SINGAPORE: Despite having a stable public sector job and $20,000 in savings, this 26-year-old Singaporean woman feels stuck and unable to move out of her divorced father’s home.
In a post on Reddit’s Singapore Raw forum, she explained that although she’s eager to become independent and have her own place, she can’t do so yet because she’s focused on saving for a BTO flat, which she plans to buy by the time she turns 35.
On top of that, she’s still repaying her parents for her university fees by topping up their CPF accounts each month, which leaves her with little financial flexibility.
“I’ve topped up about 10k to my dad’s cpf so far and gave a small allowance to mum when I still lived with her,” she added.
The woman also revealed that one of the main reasons she wants to leave her father’s home is because he seems to be relying on her as his retirement plan.
“He has always been reliant on others for financial help and borrows from his father whenever he messes up (e.g. debts from 4D, need a new house because of divorce),” she wrote.
“He also has anger issues he is not aware of (e.g. cursing incessantly because he got French beans instead of broccoli in his cai fan) and I have heard him mention before that he has once thought of strangling my mother when they were still together. I am currently making sure that I am physically stronger than him,” she added.
She also shared that moving back in with her mother isn’t an option either, as her mother constantly nags her about trivial things around the house.
Her mother’s younger partner, who is 15 years her junior, is also difficult to be around. The woman even caught him speaking ill of her behind her back.
“I feel very troubled and unsure who to talk to for help because I feel like I am not doing as financially bad as some of my Gen Z friends earning less than me or heck simply unemployed. I feel like I am somewhat blessed to even be able to consider this option of moving out on my own terms,” she explained.
“I know moving out is damn bad of an idea now, but I feel so so hopeless now. Do you have any ideas how else I can spend time outside avoiding my father without spending a lot of money?” she asked.
“It’s not your responsibility to take care of your parents.”
Her post drew responses from Singaporean Redditors, many of whom empathized with her predicament.
One Redditor commented, “I’m sorry you had to go through these and I’m super proud of you for being able to come so far and being so financially responsible.
“I would suggest to do what will make you happy. Perhaps ask yourself: will renting a room outside allow you to have better mental health?”
Some Redditors also suggested she consider cutting back on her financial contributions to her parents to save more aggressively for her independence.
They argued that while filial piety is a deeply rooted cultural expectation in Singapore, she should not sacrifice her mental health and future goals to meet unreasonable demands from her parents.
One Redditor wrote, “It’s not your responsibility to take care of your parents. They are adults who can fend for themselves. You have your own life to live. Move out, even if it means getting a roommate. You will gain autonomy from your parents and a heap of maturity with it and will be better off for it. I say go for it.”
Others recommended that she consider getting a job in another country. One Redditor said, “Your best bet is to secure a job overseas, and gradually disappear from your parents’ lives. Unfortunately, you are left holding the bag because 2 immature people insisted that they had the rights to become parents.”
In other news, a 25-year-old Singaporean shared on social media that he is now struggling with a $21,244 debt after prioritizing his mum’s medical bills over his credit card loans.
Considering that he only earns $3,400 monthly and has no savings, the man said he has no idea how to pay off his enormous debt.
“The credit card company and banks are sending lawyer letters to my home demanding immediate payment. I can’t apply for a Debt Consolidation Plan (DCP) because my outstanding balance is not above 12 months,” he wrote on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, on Tuesday (Dec 24).
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)