SINGAPORE: One Singaporean woman is currently contemplating whether she should disclose her past abortion to her new boyfriend.
Posting anonymously on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she explained that getting pregnant was never her intention and that it was simply a foolish mistake that she and her ex-boyfriend made near the end of their relationship.
Having an abortion was also something that she and her ex-boyfriend had mutually agreed upon.
Looking back, however, she didn’t regret this decision, as she knew that her ex wouldn’t have made a great father to their child as he had a gambling addiction, financial debts, and anger management.
“We have also decided to never tell anyone about the incident and move on from it altogether,” she explained.
Now, in a new relationship, the woman shares that her new boyfriend has been treating her well and making her feel happy.
“He did not mind any of my past relationships despite him not having any, but I’ve been feeling and worrying about the possibility of having issues conceiving in the future and/or having to tell the doctors, and him eventually, of the abortion,” she said.
While she believes her boyfriend would still love her if she revealed the truth, she has kept the incident buried and never disclosed it to anyone.
“Should I be coming clean to my partner about it? Would he be better off not knowing? It is scary but it is what it is and I wish I have the comfort and courage from all these past traumas,” she asked for advice.
“Lay the cards on the table and let your current partner know.”
Many netizens believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships, especially when it comes to significant past events. Being upfront about your past can build trust and prevent misunderstandings down the line.
Some argued in the comments section that it’s better to come clean about a past abortion rather than risk the potential fallout if it’s discovered later—like if there are issues with conceiving or if a doctor accidentally reveals it during a conversation.
The idea is that facing the truth now, although difficult, could avoid a more painful confrontation in the future.
The netizens also emphasized that everyone has their past and secrets. They pointed out that if her boyfriend can’t look past this part of her history, the relationship may not be worth continuing.
They told the woman that there is nothing worse than trying to stay with someone who refuses to accept your past.
If he can’t handle it, it’s a sign that the relationship might face even bigger challenges down the road. But if he can accept and support her, then she might have found someone truly special.
According to them, it’s ultimately about finding a partner who loves her for who she is, past and all.
One netizen added, “Lay the cards on the table and let your current partner know. It’s up to him to make the decision to move forward or not. At least you’ve done your part to be honest about your past.”
Still, a few netizens had a different opinion and advised the woman to keep her past to herself.
One netizen said, “Nothing to tell. Past events. You don’t have to tell him, anyone nor even the doctor if asked. Move on and treat him like a King…you will be treated better…..”
Should you tell your partner everything? Experts say no
Honesty is crucial in any relationship, as it leads to trust, understanding, and emotional intimacy. But does this mean we must always reveal everything about our past to our partners, even if it makes us uncomfortable?
According to Very Well Mind, an online platform that provides health and wellness information, everyone has the right to keep parts of their lives private, no matter how big or small, simply because they want to.
Experts agree that no one should ever be pressured to reveal embarrassing or painful moments from their past.
“I absolutely think that is not only normal, not only OK, but really great to have some private thoughts or things in your life that are just yours,” dating and relationship expert Cora Boyd told Bustle, an online American magazine.
A licensed psychotherapist and clinical social worker, Aimee Hartstein, also said that a relationship should not be based on forced confessions and that people are allowed to have a reasonable amount of privacy.
“If you had an abortion in your past, you are under no obligation to confess it to anyone—not a friend or romantic partner,” Hartstein told Elite Daily, an online American news platform.
If you’re thinking about opening up to your partner about your past, here are a few important things to consider
Abortion is an extremely sensitive topic, and it’s not something many women are fond of talking about because of fears of being shamed, rejected, or having to relive their trauma.
However, if you need to share this part of your past with your partner, it’s crucial to approach the conversation thoughtfully and carefully.
Laurel Steinberg, a clinical relationship expert, recommends asking yourself first, “What are you hoping to accomplish by telling them about the abortion?”
Understanding your motivations can help you communicate more clearly and set the tone for a constructive conversation.
Steinberg also suggests that when you have this talk, choose a time when neither of you is stressed or preoccupied. Ensure you’re both in a good mental and emotional place for a calm, respectful discussion.
Moreover, when you decide to share this part of your past, do so in a direct and straightforward manner. Steinberg suggests not framing it as a terrible, shameful secret but rather as a significant event that has shaped who you are today.
It’s also important to frame the conversation to highlight the positives. Discuss how this experience has influenced you, what you’ve learned from it, and how it has contributed to your growth as a person.
Read also: Man says his ex-girlfriend found a new boyfriend in just 17 days after they broke up
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