SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man recently questioned whether men are still expected to uphold outdated gender norms in 2025 after he came across an Instagram clip that stirred up a discussion about modern dating expectations.
In the clip, a woman asks a group of men whether they see a woman paying for dates as a ‘green flag.’ One of the participants responds that if a woman offers to pay, it is a sign that she isn’t interested and doesn’t want to ‘owe him anything.’
Curious about public opinion, the man checked the comments and was surprised that many women agreed with the statement. Some insisted that men should always pay, while others argued that men should naturally take on the role of financial providers in relationships.
Sharing his perspective, the man pointed out that personal preferences are valid. “If you’re a woman who wants a chivalrous provider man — that’s your preference, and that’s OK. If you’re a man who wants to be a knightly provider — that’s your preference, and that’s OK,” he said.
“If you’re a woman who wants to do the pampering and provide for your man, that’s your preference, and that’s okay. If you’re a man who wants to be pampered and provided for — that’s your preference, and that’s OK. I think that in a healthy relationship, both partners should support/pamper and provide for each other,” he said.
However, the man said that he gets ‘triggered’ whenever people insist that “men should be providers” as though it were a general rule.
“SG women would be rightfully upset if men said that as women, their roles are only to cook, clean and raise children,” he said. “Yet, society still normalizes men as being silent, stoic, strong providers while also wanting men to support feminism/gender equality. Why like this?”
Beyond relationships, he pointed out that he often treats his friends to meals out of generosity, without expecting anything in return. But when it comes to dating, it’s different.
“With dates, I will fully pay if I’m the one who asked out. But I expect an offer to split the bill or get dessert, which I may accept or decline, depending on the situation. Otherwise, I’m going to think the date is an entitled freeloader.”
“Social media is a cesspit and may artificially distort the views of the masses”
His post quickly gained traction, with many Singaporeans weighing in on the debate. Some men expressed similar frustrations, highlighting that many women seem to want the benefits of equality without the corresponding responsibilities.
One individual said, “Because most millennial and younger women in SG are not fighting for egalitarianism, they just want the best of both worlds. And if you call them out on that, you’re a red flag, and they will jump to another simp-gaporean. Want proof? Look at how bad the hypergamy in SG is.”
Another commented, “Because women in SG are taught that they can have their cake and eat it. They can demand equal rights and salary but still require men to be the provider.”
Others argue that not all women hold the same views or expectations, and it’s unfair to paint them all with the same brush. Some pointed out that societal norms are changing, and many women actively push for equality in various aspects of life, including relationships.
One individual even shared, “I think social media is a cesspit and may artificially distort the views of the masses. I meet many people in 50/50 relationships in Singapore.
The loud minority may be posting their desires for a ‘provider man’, and that’s fine, too. Many men say they’d like a woman who cooks and/or cleans; that’s fine, too. Hope everyone finds what they are looking for.”
In other news, a Singaporean worker took to social media to vent about her “useless” colleague, who hasn’t performed well since joining the company.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, she explained that this colleague holds a “lead title” but has only been handling the tasks of a temporary staff member whose contract expired because she could not manage her original responsibilities.
Read more: Worker says her ‘useless colleague’ earns more than her but is doing less than a temporary staff
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)