MALAYSIA: A Malaysian man recently sparked a heated debate online after sharing his dilemma about whether to deduct RM3,800 (S$1,145) from his mother’s monthly allowance. The money came from the sale of his old car, given to him by his aunt, which his mother had initially resisted selling.
When she eventually agreed and helped secure a higher selling price, she took the money without consulting him. The situation has raised questions about entitlement, financial boundaries, and the cultural expectations of supporting parents in Malaysia.
Family finances: Entitlement or justified claim?
The heart of the issue lies in whether the man has a right to reclaim the money. Technically, the car was registered under his name, and he had been covering all maintenance and road tax expenses since he started driving it.
His aunt, who originally gifted the vehicle, had also provided financial assistance to the family before he and his sister became financially independent. While one could argue that the car had sentimental value to the family, the sale proceeds should logically belong to him as the registered owner.
His mother’s refusal to return the money, coupled with her dismissive response when he asked about it, led him to consider deducting the amount from the RM500 monthly allowance he gave her. However, cultural expectations complicate the matter.
In many Malaysian households, children are expected to financially support their parents, often without question. The idea of withholding money from one’s mother, even if justified, can be seen as disrespectful or unfilial.
Reddit chooses between boundaries and family harmony
The dilemma lies in whether reclaiming the money is worth the potential fallout. One commenter on the Reddit forum pointed out that while deducting the amount from his mother’s allowance makes logical sense since it simply “balances the scales”, the emotional consequences might be more severe. Given his mother’s history of avoiding accountability, such an action could escalate into unnecessary drama rather than resolving the issue.
Others argued that the situation goes beyond just RM3,800. Some viewed it as a matter of setting financial boundaries, warning that if he let this slide, it could encourage his mother to take advantage of him in the future.
One user suggested that this was a test of how much he was willing to tolerate, stating, “People will keep pushing your boundaries to see how little you’re willing to accept. In this case, she thinks you deserve nothing. If you let this slide, she will be even more shameless in the future and try to take more than RM3.8k.”
On the other hand, some believed he should simply let the matter go. A commenter pointed out that, since the car was given to him for free, he had already benefited significantly from it. They noted that paying for maintenance and road tax over the years still cost far less than buying or renting a car. In their view, confronting his mother over the money would only lead to further conflict, potentially alienating other family members who might take her side.
“When dealing with a toxic mother, you have two options,” one Redditor explained. “Let it go, avoid disturbing peace in the family, and get no money. Or bring it up, insist upon it, make your mother hate you even more, and still get no money.”
While some advised against confrontation, others supported the idea of deducting the money from her allowance as a practical solution. One netizen reasoned, “Do as you said: deduct from her allowance until the full payment is done.”
They argued that if he didn’t set a boundary now, his mother would likely continue testing how much she could take from him in the future. This response highlights a common issue in family dynamics: when financial dependence becomes a point of manipulation rather than necessity.
Cultural expectations and navigating financial conflicts
In many Asian households, financial support for parents is a deeply ingrained expectation, with some families treating it as an obligation rather than a choice. In this case, the man not only provides his mother with a monthly allowance but also shares this responsibility with his sister.
Initially, he assumed his mother was financially comfortable, but later learned from his sister that her income was commission-based and less stable than he thought. This raised the question of whether his mother kept the money out of financial necessity or simply because she felt entitled to it.
Given his mother’s history of poor financial literacy, he ultimately decided to take a middle ground—deducting only half the amount from her allowance rather than the full RM3,800. This approach allows him to set a boundary without completely cutting off financial support, in hopes that his mother will recognise the fairness of the decision.
The fine line between respect and self-preservation
This incident highlights the delicate balance between respecting family obligations and maintaining personal financial boundaries. While children are expected to support their parents, that support should not come at the expense of their own financial security.
At its core, this case is not just about RM3,800; it’s about what happens when financial expectations go unspoken, and whether asserting one’s rights is worth the potential strain on family relationships. For many young Malaysians, these conversations remain difficult, but necessary, in ensuring that financial support is given out of choice rather than obligation.
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Featured image by Freepik (for illustration purposes only)