SINGAPORE: Despite feeling an emotional connection, one Singaporean woman remains hesitant to pursue a relationship with a man whose socio-economic status is significantly higher than her own.
On Friday (Aug 9), she took to r/askSingapore to seek the opinions and advice of others. In her post, she described her background and the recent developments in her love life:
“I’m (F) a first-gen uni graduate, introverted, grew up low-income in HDB, happy with kopitiam food every day. Recently met someone from friend’s intro and we hit off well, until I realised he’s from the other end of the background spectrum,” she wrote.
“He’s a surgeon (in-training), popular in school, wealthy family, haven’t taken MRT/bus in years, used to high-end restaurants. The only similarity is that we both came from top elite schools, if that even counts lol.”
After being confronted with reality, she admitted that she can not shake the feeling that he is out of her league and is concerned about potential conflicts that could arise as a result of their lifestyle differences or disapproval from his family.
She hasn’t yet discussed these concerns with him but wanted to hear about others’ experiences on Reddit to better manage her expectations, especially since it’s more common for women to come from privileged backgrounds.
She asked, “What is it like having a high SES partner?”
“Don’t discount yourself.”
In the discussion thread, netizens shared a range of experiences and insights. Some users recounted their own relationships with partners from different socio-economic backgrounds, offering advice on how to navigate these differences.
One netizen said, “Grew up my whole life in a HDB, partner’s family is relatively wealthy, but he can be quite frugal in his ways.. I earn more than him if it matters. Our lifestyle and spending habits are quite similar.
Give him and you a chance to get to know each other, rather than pigeon holing each other by “SES”. You did well in school I guess, so you’ve “made it” for yourself. Don’t discount yourself.”
Another commented, “ To be honest, only time can tell.See how he behaves when he is with your parents. See how his parents behave when you meet them. See how he behaves after he graduates and is surrounded by other high income earners.”
Others suggested that while socio-economic differences can pose challenges, they are not insurmountable if both partners are committed to working through them together.
Many highlighted that mutual respect and shared values can help bridge these gaps, even when lifestyles and backgrounds differ significantly.
Several netizens also pointed out that it’s common for people to feel insecure when dating someone from a higher socio-economic status, but they encouraged the woman to focus on the qualities that drew her to her partner in the first place.
One netizen chimed in to say, “Compatibility matters more. Check if he is humble. Bring him to hawkers, get him to take mrt rides.. if he open to trying and is not snobbish, then that tells you a lot about his character.
Never marry someone who looks down on you or your family.”
Another shared, “It’s easier for the girl to be from the humble background than the guy to be from the humble background.
At the end of the day, it’s whether both of you have the same VALUES, since both of you are from different backgrounds. If it’s the same/similar then things are easier to sort out, else it will be very hard.”
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