SINGAPORE: A young man recently asked on social media whether it’s “really taboo to date a friend’s ex.” His dilemma stemmed from a personal experience he shared on the r/SGexams subreddit.
“I met this girl during poly orientation, and… recently, she just broke up with her boyfriend, and I can’t help but notice that she’s been feeling a bit depressed.”
Despite his strong desire to reach out and offer support, he hesitates because he fears violating the “bro code.”
Towards the end of his post, he included a heartfelt message for the girl: “R, if you happen to see this, I hope you know that there are people looking out for you.”
“Wait for her emotions to settle down before engaging with her.”
Most Singaporean Redditors who joined the discussion weren’t keen on him getting involved with the girl right after her breakup.
While they acknowledged his concern for the girl’s well-being and understood the difficulty of witnessing her vulnerability, they advised against getting involved immediately after her breakup.
They warned that rushing into a relationship could potentially make him a rebound case and lead to more pain in the future. Their advice to him was simple: Let her close friends, especially the girls, be there for her during this tough time.
Adding to the discussion, one Redditor also said that whether it’s about the “bro code” or not, comforting someone with the ulterior motive of dating them isn’t a good move. He added, “Either reach out to her with sincere intentions or just stay completely away.”
Opinions also varied regarding whether it would be acceptable to date the girl after she or his friend moved on.
Some argue that it depends on the young man’s relationship with his friend; it might not matter as much if they are not close. However, if they have a strong friendship, dating his friend’s ex could strain their relationship.
On the other hand, some encouraged the young man to pursue a relationship with the girl, sharing their success stories of dating a friend’s ex, which turned into a long-lasting relationship.
One Redditor commented, “Ask your friend. I did it before and he told me to go for it. We’ve been happily married for 25 years.” Another said, “If you never try, you never know. Don’t live your life with regrets.”
5 Questions To Ask Yourself
According to relationship experts, there are several crucial questions to consider before dating your friend’s ex:
Will your friend feel uncomfortable? Put yourself in their shoes and gauge your feelings in a similar situation. If you’re uncertain, have an open conversation with your friend to understand their perspective.
When did they break up? Dating a high school ex differs from dating a friend’s most recent ex. There’s a big possibility that your friend might not take it well if he sees you making a move on his partner right after they break up.
Moving on takes time, and if you value your friendship, experts say you should allow your friend to heal before pursuing the girl.
Has your friend moved on? Take note of your friend’s emotional state. If they seem happier and have moved on from their past relationship, it could be a good time to discuss the possibility of dating their ex.
Have a sincere conversation with your friend about their feelings and pay attention to their tone and voice to assess if they are truly over their ex.
Is the girl also into you or just using you to move on? It’s essential to consider the girl’s feelings and motivations as well.
If she is not interested in a genuine relationship or is using you to move on from her previous relationship, it may not be wise to pursue one with her.
Are you willing to lose your friendship? Is your attraction to their ex strong enough to risk losing your friendship? It’s a moment to evaluate the depth of your feelings and consider what matters most to you—love or friendship.
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