SINGAPORE: A frustrated man took to social media to share how his Singaporean father-in-law asked his wife and her brother to each give him S$100,000 “as a gesture of filial piety.”
In his post on the r/askSingapore forum, the man explained that this surprising request came not long after the father-in-law underwent heart surgery. They had received an email from him asking if they could set up a conference call to talk about inheritance matters. Naturally, the couple grew concerned. Given the timing, they feared that something had gone wrong with the surgery or that he might be seriously unwell.
What actually happened during the call, however, took them by surprise for a very different reason. The father-in-law began by listing out his assets, which the man said were worth “around S$5 million.” This included a “large house in Vancouver, some real estate, investments, and a sizable amount of savings.”
He also made small talk and casually asked how they were doing financially, which the husband now believes was his way of gauging whether they could afford what he was about to ask.
Then came the real purpose of the call. The father-in-law told them he wanted a total of “S$200,000 from his children”—S$100,000 from his daughter and another S$100,000 from his son—as a way of thanking him (the father) for the “sacrifices he had made raising them.”
The man admitted that while he understands the importance of showing gratitude to one’s parents, the way this was brought up felt “emotionally manipulative.” He said it was not just the amount that shocked him, but also the context. It felt like the father-in-law was using the emotional weight of his recent health scare to pressure his children into giving him a large sum of money.
He went on to say that he and his wife are already struggling to save enough to buy a home, and the idea of suddenly handing over S$100,000 is simply unrealistic.
“My wife and I can’t afford to give him S$100,000,” the husband said.
He also questioned whether this was culturally normal in Singapore, saying, “Is this normal? My understanding of filial piety is that it’s more of a symbolic or token gesture—often financial, but typically scaled to what the children can reasonably give, and especially meaningful when parents are actually in financial need.”
He ended the post by asking the locals: “Is there a cultural expectation in Singapore for children to give very large sums of money to parents for filial piety? Could this be considered emotional manipulation, or is this seen as a traditional norm in some families? Should inheritance expectations change the way children approach financial support for aging parents?”
“This is not normal…”
In the comments, many Singaporean Reddit users were equally surprised by the father-in-law’s request. Some guessed that he might be having money problems, which could explain why he asked for such a large amount.
“Sounds highly suspicious that he needs your funds for some reason unrelated to the heart surgery,” one user wrote.
Others said that while filial piety is important in Singapore, it’s usually shown through care and support, not by giving huge sums of money.
“It’s normal to give your parents a monthly allowance, but definitely not normal to give a S$200K lump sum out of the blue,” one user commented.
“No, this is not normal. I think the best approach would be to offer what you can and then ask the father not to ask for money again because of your own constraints,” another suggested.
“This is a decision up to you and your wife. Filial piety is not only about giving money, but even if he wants money, it is not your father-in-law who decides how much he should get. It is given by the child to the parent based on what they can give,” a third added.
Filial piety
Providing financial support/monthly allowances to parents has long been a common practice in Singapore and many other Asian cultures, often seen as a gesture of gratitude and filial piety. However, a growing number of young people today are beginning to question whether this expectation is still appropriate.
Singaporean YouTuber Mr. Loo echoed this shift in mindset in a video posted in 2024. He stressed that parents should not treat their children like “dividend stocks” meant to fund their retirement.
“Your retirement is your responsibility and not your children’s. Your CPF, your savings, your dividend stocks, your growth stocks, all these assets must be enough for your own retirement,” Mr. Loo said.
Read more: Singaporean tells “parents to stop treating your kids as your dividend stocks”
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