SINGAPORE: In a post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, a groom stated that they had planned to hold a ROM ceremony for their wedding, host a dinner for their immediate family members, and then go on honeymoon. 

“However, her parents are not so keen on this simple arrangement and would prefer a traditional approach to it. Her parents require guodali, (including sidianjin of gold – not able to accept rose gold as an alternative), wedding banquet, gate crashing, tea ceremony, and picking of the bride,” the groom wrote on Tuesday (Feb 20).

Couple want simple wedding, but bride’s parents insists they follow traditions and include “wedding banquet, guodali, tea ceremony, and picking of the bride”

He also added that when they asked her parents what those events were for, they could not provide significance or rationale. Instead, her parents simply told them they ‘had to do the traditions,’ citing hearsay from ‘this auntie and that uncle.’

While they have no financial difficulties and can afford everything, the groom said they would much rather spend the money on something meaningful, such as their future child and upcoming BTO.

“All our plans are currently on hold, and we are unable to progress any further. We understand that it is us who are getting married and we should do whatever makes us happy, but [we] do not want to sour the relationship with parents.

We also do not want to do the whole traditional way as it is meaningless to us if it doesn’t feel like it is our wedding and inviting guests that we don’t even have close bonds with (aunties that ask us every year if we are still working at company A and every year we say we are at company B),” the groom explained.

Desperate for a solution, the groom asked, “What should be the balanced approach?”

“As a compromise, just pick some and do them”

In the comments section, many quickly gave their two cents on the matter. 

One individual in particular proposed that the couple should simply compromise to satisfy both parties.

“Just pick some and do them. For example, agree with guodali, but no banquet and gatecrashing. This means that both parties have compromised and is the best way out instead of my way or the highway.

The world is about relationships. Workplaces, families, it’s all the same. It’s never about us only. Both parties compromising is the fairest way out.”

The majority of individuals, however, disagreed and advised the groom to carry out their original plan. They stated that even if their parents are money-minded or simply want to save face from relatives’ questions, they will eventually come around and understand them in the future.

One individual added, “Don’t worry about souring relationships; it’s them who are souring it by insisting on their wants for your wedding. Just because they brought you up doesn’t mean they get to dictate how you want to wed. Don’t waste time being unhappy doing things that don’t even make sense to you just for the sake of others.”

Others also advised the groom to let his fiancé speak with her own parents and persuade them of their wedding preferences.

Meanwhile, a few individuals interjected and disagreed with the majority, stating that he should respect their wishes as he is marrying their daughter.

One individual said, “If the traditions are important to her parents, I feel you should follow.”

Earlier this year, YouTube host Ong Jia Yang of The Smart Local’s Hot Take, revealed that wedding costs have increased as much as tenfold over the years.

“Last time, you know, aunties and uncles told us that they’d just spent like about $4,000 on their weddings. But nowadays, we’re spending about $40,000 on our weddings,” Ong said. “But I think, you know, that’s normal because of inflation, correct?”

Read more: “How much you spend on your wedding?” — $4K or $40K? Is it worth breaking the bank for?