MALAYSIA: Transitioning from university to working life is no easy feat. It’s more than just landing a job—many fresh graduates find themselves juggling family expectations, financial pressures, and shifting relationships at home.
A recent post on Reddit’s r/Bolehland titled “Am I being jealous or are my feelings valid?” has gone viral, as a Malaysian fresh graduate shared his painful experience of feeling left out while his brother seemingly got everything handed to him. The post has sparked a wider conversation on what it’s like to navigate early adulthood in today’s world.
The Redditor’s narrative
The original poster (OP), a Malaysian who recently graduated, shared his journey of job hunting and the associated financial considerations. With his parents covering a third of his tuition fees, rent, and providing pocket money, he expressed a commitment to give back, despite their assurances that it is not necessary.
When an interview in another state required transportation, his parents agreed to lend one of their cars—provided he paid a certain amount. However, after realising the financial strain it might impose, he decided to reconsider the offer.
Matters took a painful turn when his brother’s car broke down. In a twist of events, while he was explaining the possible financial burden of using the car, his brother promptly interrupted, expressing his interest in the vehicle instead. The following day, the brother insinuated that the car was his.
Soon after, the parents decided to transfer not only the car insurance but also the full ownership of the car to the brother—free of charge.
“Why is it different for me?”
The situation grew even more disheartening when he discovered that his parents were also planning to hand over a plot of land to his brother. What’s more, though he had been previously offered a car, albeit temporarily, he was now told that he must purchase his own vehicle to commute — a great contrast to the privileges enjoyed by his sibling.
Adding to the complexity, his brother, who often advocates for financial independence, was receiving significant assets without any apparent effort. Feeling abandoned and undervalued, he admitted to being heartbroken and even shed tears over what he saw as blatant unfairness.
Community insights
The Reddit community responded with a blend of empathy and critical analysis. One user remarked, “Your feelings are valid. It’s not about jealousy but about real disparity in how you’re treated,” while another noted, “This is a classic case of parental favouritism. It hurts, but you deserve better.”
Many pointed out that OP’s feelings were completely understandable.
“You’re not being jealous; you’re being treated unfairly. It’s natural to feel hurt.”
Others suggested that this kind of family dynamic is not uncommon, especially in Asian households.
“I’ve seen this happen so many times. Some parents have ‘golden children’ and don’t even realise how unfair they’re being.”
That being said, some users encouraged him to take this as motivation to focus on their own success.
“It sucks, but use this as fuel to become independent. One day, when you’re successful, you won’t owe anyone anything.”
These responses resonated with many who have experienced similar family dynamics, providing both comfort and a call to prioritise personal growth.
Broader implications
The situation highlights the intricacies inherent in family dynamics. Parents may have unspoken reasons for their decisions, influenced by cultural norms, individual child needs, or long-term planning considerations.
However, when these decisions aren’t communicated transparently, they can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of resentment. OP’s experience is a painful but familiar reality for many young adults navigating family expectations, financial independence, and fairness.