things to avoid after an argument

SINGAPORE: A 38-year-old woman turned to social media to share that her husband has been very dismissive of her problems ever since they got married and how, despite telling him several times that she has postpartum depression, he still told her that “she’s lazy and just wants to sleep all day.”

“I’m so sad and learning how to be a mom and taking care of the baby 24/7 literally feeding a human with my body. I can barely find time to shower, the sleep deprivation is crazy. But in his mind I am lazy and I do nothing but sleep all day? How can I come back from that?” she wrote on Reddit.

She particularly got hurt when her husband told her: “It would make me happy if you would clean the house before I got home, but let me guess you just want to lay in bed all day.” And when she confronted him about whether he thought she was lazy and just wanted to sleep all day, he immediately said yes.

She also mentioned that because she was exhausted from caring for the infant in the early morning hours, she slept through her therapy session, which was set for 2:00pm. “I text him saying I slept through my appointment, and he asked why. I told him I’m very depressed and I wish he would understand. His response was “well what’s for supper?”

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“I don’t know what to say to get through to him. The other night I tried to express one of my fears was that if we don’t learn how to communicate our relationship will fail. His response? “ yeah what would you do without me?” 😔”

She revealed that anytime she confided in her husband about her struggles, he would “snap, ignore, or just laugh” at her because it was not his problem. “In his words ‘he doesn’t have any problems, so we don’t have problems, I’m the depressed one so they are my problems.’ This is making the depression worse and worse as each day goes by,” she said.

During their first week at home, he even attempted to go to the casino on the weekend despite promising her that he would take care of their two-month-old baby.

“I was baffled at why he wanted to leave us and we also had no extra money to be frivolous with. He yelled at me to shut up and left me wailing crying in the living room with my newborn while he napped in the bedroom,” she wrote.

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Redditors: “He does not care about you or your child”

After learning about the post author’s terrible circumstances, most Redditors urged her to leave her husband.

“Your husband pulled the old bait and switch. He acted nice and caring and the moment you were married and pregnant he dropped that mask. He does not care about you or your child,” one commented.

“It sounds abusive to me and I’m guessing it will only escalate. You don’t deserve this,” another wrote.

“You do not have to stay and be treated like this. Being a single mom may sound frightening but your reality is worse. Go somewhere safe to heal,” another said.

How to help your partner if she has postpartum depression

Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 women, according to Health Partners. This condition can take a long time to recover from, no matter how much you want to or how much you care for your wife. 

However, here are some tips that can make her feel better and recover:

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Offer kind and loving words. She is your wife. Don’t immediately cast her aside the moment she falls into depression. Don’t tell her she “should get over it” or that “this is merely a phase and all mothers go through it.” Don’t belittle her problems. Instead, offer her some kind and loving words from time to time. 

Tell her that you know she feels terrible, but she can get through it. Whenever she makes a mistake, don’t criticize her right away. It’s her first time being a parent, after all. Most of all, tell her you love her and always be there to support her.

Help her with the household chores. If you have some time off work, help her around the house. Occasionally, offer to watch and care for your son or daughter during the night or early hours of the morning.

Educate yourself about postpartum depression. Researching about postpartum depression can help you understand her behaviour.

Accompany her to her doctor’s appointment. Be encouraging, and go with her to her doctor’s appointment. Talk to her therapist or physician about your worries and inquiries.