Unhappy marriages are not uncommon, as people can grow apart after being together for a number of years. It happens, and people are forced to consider whether they should stick together or separate.
But when children are part of the picture, it may be a different story, as parents, quite naturally, want to spare them the pain.
One woman who posted on the SG Whispers Facebook page asked for netizens’ advice on whether she and her husband should get divorced, or whether they should stay together for the children’s sake.
The nine-year marriage does not seem to be an overly hostile one at present, but husband and wife no longer sleep in the same room—each sleep with their children in separate rooms.
“These days, hardly any conversations, even if there is, it’s always about the kids, food, groceries. One of the nights last week I WA-ed him he doesn’t care about my feeling, he told me he’s rushing his work (in the other room) and we will talk again because we need to.
Fast forward to a few days ago, I brought up this to him again because similar incident happened, he replied via WW he’s feeling unwell and he’s going to bed,” the woman wrote.
Unfortunately, some of the unhappiness between husband and wife appears to stem from the “bad blood” between the wife and her mother-in-law, with whom they live, as she refuses to move out.
“I have to cook/order her share of food and pay for it but the food she buy/cook I cannot eat. Husband don’t think it’s correct but ask to tolerate. There will be times during dinner, everyone gets a share of what she cook except for me.”
The wife went on to explain that there had been some “physical abuses” from her husband in the past, but not in the last two to three years. She did not elaborate what these “abuses” had been, nor if they had been directed toward her or the children.
She adds that she is financially independent and that her parents are willing to extend help if needed.
“My greatest concern is still the kids’ well-being. Even if things need to be status quo for the sake of the kids, I am willing to. Just want to hear from many of you out there, who definitely have a lot more experience than me.
Please do not just tell me to “divorce him!” without any explanation,” she added.
Many of the commenters told her that a divorce would be better for everyone, including the kids, in the long run, and taking the time to explain their own experiences.
“I went for a divorce last year and my children and I have never been better. We’re so happy together everyday, especially after a new love has found me. I finally understand what it’s like to love and be loved and how a loving spouse should be like,” one woman wrote.
“You are in the best position…not many women are financially independent to be able to leave,” another netizen told her.
One commenter, however, suggested that they “Sort out the MIL issues first” and go for family counselling.
Some children of divorced parents who had a similar experience also weighed in.
“Sister, pls do yourself and your kids a favour, get a divorce. You already have all the answers in front of you, why still second guess and doubt yourself? Your kids can pick up all the bad signals and vibes and will definitely be affected psychologically.”
Another wrote, “As a child whose parents stayed in an unhappy marriage for my sake, PLEASE DO NOT DO IT you will hurt the child too. I wish my parents had gone their separate ways earlier.”
/TISG