Photo: Depositphotos/ torwaiphoto (for illustration purposes only)
Son asks if it would be selfish to leave his family, who despise his girlfriend and refuse to let him move out after marriage
SINGAPORE: A man took to Reddit to ask Singaporeans if it would be “selfish of him” to leave his family, as they despise his girlfriend and refuse to let him move out even after marriage.
Posting on Reddit’s ‘Singapore Raw’ forum, the man shared that before his girlfriend entered the picture, he had a good relationship with his family. He and his mother, who works as a hairdresser, had worked hand in hand to support the entire family, as his father had a disability that prevented him from taking on any jobs.
As soon as he came of age, he worked two part-time jobs to provide an allowance for his two younger siblings. He also dedicated himself to getting into a good university and securing scholarships and bursaries so that his mother wouldn’t have to worry about the expenses.
When he landed his first full-time job as an analyst, he took on the responsibility of being the family’s breadwinner, covering every household expenses. He even treated his family to their first overseas trip. “I took my whole family to Bangkok and paid for everything. It was their first time taking a plane,” he recalled.
Moreover, he mentioned that when his salary was finally decent enough, he decided to co-purchase an HDB flat with his mother and covered all the costs “just so they would have more living space.”
He added, “I work very long hours, but every time I have free time, I will take them out for meals etc.”
However, things started to change when he got into a relationship a few years ago. At first, he didn’t expect it to cause any issues. But over time, he noticed that his family had begun to resent his girlfriend.
“Sometimes instead of spending time with my family, I will go on dates with her. But I don’t know if they got jealous or what, but we always have fights because they think I am neglecting them,” he explained.
His girlfriend, aware of the tension, made efforts to accommodate his family. She even suggested including them in their outings so that they wouldn’t feel left out.
“Like if we were going to watch movie, we can bring [my family] along, which we did. But they still somehow very much hate my girlfriend. It’s like they think this girl is stealing their son/brother away from them,” he added.
The situation escalated when he brought up his plans for the future. He wanted to remove his name from the HDB flat so he and his girlfriend could apply for a BTO together. Unfortunately, his mother did not take the news well. “She got sooo angry. It was one of the biggest fights I’ve ever had,” he shared.
To keep the peace, he and his girlfriend decided to purchase a condo instead to avoid further conflicts. However, his mother was still strongly against the idea.
“My mum insists that I must still stay with her even after I get married… My younger sister is also not helping by saying I’m not fillial if I leave them alone… And keep in mind since I graduated, I have paid for EVERYTHING,” he continued.
At the end of his post, the man admitted that after hearing those hurtful words from his family, he felt really tempted to just walk away from his responsibilities and leave with his girlfriend. Seeking advice from the forum, he asked if it would truly be selfish of him to follow through with this decision.
“Your family is insecure because you are the only crutch they have ever known.”
In the comments section, many Singaporeans weighed in on the man’s dilemma, offering support and advice.
One individual said, “You bring your FAMILY on dates?! Your gf is amazing for this. Do not let her down. Your family is insecure because you are the only crutch they have ever known.
“It’s still possible to be supportive while not physically present 100% of the time. They need to know this. Whether they believe it or not is up to them. At the end of the day you cannot be expected to tie your destiny to theirs.”
Another commented, “Some people are not afraid to lose you. They are afraid of losing their access to benefits from you. I hope you find the wisdom and courage to make a decision for yourself, and your future.”
A third explained, “You have provided and will continue to provide, you’re a good man. But the truth is, the person that will walk with you till your dying bed is your wife. Remember that.
“Do what is best for yourself and your family. But logistics, you have to consider your girlfriend/wife, because that is the person that will be the one next to you. Think hard.”
Is your family’s approval essential?
Family approval can feel like a big deal when it comes to your love life. If your family disapproves of your partner, it can create tension and stress, especially if their opinions matter to you. But do you really need their approval to have a happy relationship?
Relationship expert Susan Winter says that while family support can be helpful, it is not essential for a successful relationship. As an adult, you have the freedom and responsibility to make your own choices regarding who you want to be with and how you want to live your life.
If their concerns are about serious issues, like how your partner treats you, it may be worth listening to their perspective. But if their objections are based on personal preferences, biases, or superficial reasons, then their disapproval should not dictate your happiness.
Winter also highlights that if your family refuses to accept your partner, they may ultimately be the ones missing out. “They’ll see less of you, as the burden is on them to awaken to the value of your romantic choice,” Winter shared with Elite Daily.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
