SINGAPORE: Asian parents are often seen as strict disciplinarians who prioritize their children’s academic and career success, and they tend to be less verbally expressive. However, what often goes unnoticed by the rest of the world is the fact that Asian Parents show their love in a different, but much more telling way: through acts of service.
This topic was recently brought up on Reddit when a young Singaporean shared in the local online community that her mum had bought her a new bottle of moisturizer, even though she hadn’t requested it.
In her Reddit post, she reflected, “My parents were busy with their endeavors growing up and not the ‘I love you’ type, and their love language is mostly acts of service, such as dad driving me to school or mom buying food that she remembered I liked (when I was a kid too, lol).”
Recognizing all the things her parents did for her growing up, the young Singaporean shared that she’s now making small, yet meaningful, changes in their household dynamics, like telling her dad, “dad love you, have a nice day at work” when he drops her off every morning,
“You never know when you’ll never see them again, and I didn’t want to take their love for granted,” she added.
The post appeared to strike a chord with the Singaporean community, as many members shared how their parents showed their love through acts of service as well.
One individual shared, “In the past, when they had lower income, they skipped meals so I could eat.”
Another person shared a memory from university when food delivery services weren’t available yet. She mentioned how her parents would drive for over half an hour just to bring her dinner when she stayed over in the hall on some weekends.
“Usually, it’s my favorite food they bring or they would drive over so we could dine out together.
These days, it’s sending me to the airport (even if they complain that I’m flying too much for my kpop idols) if they can. Giving me a 顺风 angpow almost every trip before I fly.”
A grown man also chimed in to the conversation and shared that his old man, whom he described as a typical Asian dad who will never say I love you or shed a single tear, still buys him lotus paste bao to this day just because he loved it as a kid.
Another shared, “One time I was working at a clinic and we are right next to our hawker centre. Clinic was 10 mins walk from home. Randomly texted my dad I never eat breakfast and was craving for soy milk and YouTiao.
“I didn’t ask him to buy and was just whining. Half hour later, I went to buy myself and came back to my dad, who came into the clinic with soy milk and YouTiao.”
Many Singaporeans also shared that their parents still cut fruits for them, even though they are now adults. Some of them even shared that their parents are now experts and “ninjas” when it comes to slicing pineapples and apples.
One man added, “Can confirm. I’m in my thirties and eating a whole apple with skin on now, but my dad still wants to cut my apples with the skin off like I’m still a kid.”
So, why don’t Asian parents tell their kids, “I love you?”
In 2014, a video clip aired by Anhui TV station went viral when Chinese students surprised their parents by saying “I love you.” The parents’ reactions were quite unexpected, ranging from expressions of surprise like “What’s going on?” or “Are you drunk?” to dismissive remarks such as “I’m going to a meeting, so cut the crap.”
According to Peking University sociologist Xia Xueluan, the parents’ responses were indicative that they were not good at “expressing positive emotions,” most probably because they are used to educating and disciplining their children with “negative language.”
Sociological research has also shown that phrases like ‘I love you’ are less common in many Asian households. This is because such expressions are viewed as intensely personal and intimate, which can feel out of place or overly forceful in high-context cultures where communication is often indirect.
Another explanation given by Huffpost, an international news platform, is that Asian parents believe that “actions speak louder than words,” making any overt expression of “love” appear unreasonable or unnecessary.