SINGAPORE: A 28-year-old man shared on social media that his emotional state spiralled into misery within four days of starting his new job.
“Miserable 4 days into new job. [Should I] leave or not leave? Friends have told me to cut my losses and quit as soon as possible, while my parents told me to push on and toughen it out. I’m not usually a person to give up easily but I have never felt so demoralised and dejected (this is my 3rd job),” the man wrote on r/askSingapore on Wednesday (Mar 20).
He explained that while the job’s background was similar to his previous role in the built-environment industry, the actual responsibilities differed entirely.
Within three days of starting, he said he felt overwhelmed by the influx of new information, terms, and contracts, understanding only a small fraction (around 5%) of the briefings and discussions.
This lack of understanding, he noted, significantly contributed to his difficulty keeping up and deepened his dislike for the job.
“This new job pays me much better with a 40% increase in salary with benefits compared to my previous job and I came in through a pretty well respected acquaintance in my network.”
He also mentioned that he would soon be left to manage on his own as his senior was leaving the company, and his other colleagues would be away for an extended period.
Feeling helpless and demoralised by his lack of knowledge, he described the learning curve as steep but almost vertical.
“Colleagues and other newbies also seem to be quite distant and annoyed when I ask them for help and are just not people I can click with,” the man added.
Adding to his dilemma, he also stated that he has a potential job offer that aligns more with his interests and offers similar pay.
However, he hesitated to accept this because he feared he would disappoint those who had invested time and resources in him. Seeking advice from the Singaporean online community, he asked, “What should I do?”
“Someone stuck their head out for you and then you quit in such a short time so it might not look good for the referrer”
Singaporean Redditors advised the man to wait at least a month before deciding to quit for the sake of the person who recommended him for the job.
They also reassured him that initially feeling anxious, clueless, and overwhelmed is normal and improves over time.
Depending on the job’s complexity, many of them stated that it may take several months to a couple of years before feeling fully in control.
One individual said, “Someone stuck their head out for you and then you quit in such a short time so it might not look good for the referrer.
Personally I will only recommend someone whom I know is hardworking and resourceful – because even if they don’t know anything or they find it overwhelming, they will still find their way through.
I put my reputation at stake when recommending someone and it looks damn sh*t if that person quit within days after I vouched for them.”
Other civil servants also chimed in on the conversation and expressed that they completely understood what the man was going through.
One individual recounted their experience of sitting at their desk for two months doing nothing “because no one had bothered to teach them.”
Another elaborated on the nature of civil service work, highlighting that the work was more about “showmanship than workmanship.”
The civil servant added, “You are paid to fill up a position and ‘make things happen’. The quality doesn’t matter as long as u can deliver the min.
As such, often there is little to no training, and there is no clear TORs. Your job is anything and everything under the Sun. Hence, it will cause people to be easily overwhelmed.”
Meanwhile, some people advised the man to try to catch up instead of quitting.
They suggested reading documentation, talking to colleagues in the new team, reaching out to acquaintances who might know, seeking advice on relevant forums or subreddits, and using online resources like Google.
How to manage the negative emotions associated with starting a new job
Starting a new job can feel overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. However, if these feelings intensify to the point of experiencing misery or depression, Psych Central recommends taking the following steps:
Know your co-workers. Getting to know your co-workers is one of the best ways to feel at ease in your new workplace. Building such relationships can give you support and a sense of belonging, making your job more enjoyable and less intimidating.
Exercise or listen to music during your rest days or free time. If you find that your depression worsens when starting a new job, consider activities like walking or listening to music during lunch breaks. These activities can contribute positively to your well-being and help alleviate negative emotions.
Get 7 or more hours of sleep. Adequate sleep is beneficial for overall health and may improve your mood throughout the day.
Establish a routine. A structured routine can keep you organized throughout the day and assist in setting and achieving goals.
Consult with your doctor. If implementing these strategies does not improve your well-being, consider seeking professional assistance from a doctor.