SINGAPORE: A man recently stirred the pot online by addressing the partner pay gap—the income difference between cohabiting married partners—and asking women about the maximum wage difference they could accept in a relationship.
He expected a straightforward answer with specific financial figures from Singaporean women but was taken aback by their responses.
Instead of providing exact numbers, many women shifted the conversation, emphasizing that income disparity isn’t their primary concern when choosing a partner.
They clarified that contrary to popular belief, financial differences often take a backseat to more crucial factors such as emotional connection, shared values, and mutual respect.
One individual said, “As long as he is hardworking, filial to parents, and overall of a good character, he’s a good man. He must be good to his parents; if he doesn’t love his family first, how can he love me?”
Another commented, “I don’t think I’ve ever asked a guy how much he gets paid. Literally never. I think it’s about whether our values and expected lifestyles align.
Do we both expect to pull our own weight, and can we both compromise on major financial decisions (the type of home we buy, etc)? Does he treat me well?
Does he have a weird attitude about needing to be better than me in some way or making me serve him? I’ve encountered this before where some guys try to make me out to be dumber than them or belittle my profession and field of expertise.”
Others, who revealed they earn significantly more than their husbands—sometimes up to four times as much—stated they have no issue if their husbands stay home and take care of the kids.
They also mentioned that they’re completely open to whatever career path their partners choose as long as it’s something they’re passionate about and good at. They’re confident that with dedication and talent, their partners will eventually do well financially in their chosen fields.
One individual said, “I don’t mind if he earns lesser if he’s driven and treats me well. For me… as long as we’re earning enough to sustain the lifestyle we want, and we can sustain both ourselves. E.g housing – I don’t mind being the one who pays more.:”
Another shared, “I earn much higher than my boyfriend now. If we get married and have kids, he will be the stay at home dad.”
Still, a few went against the grain and expressed that, in the high-stakes realm of Singapore’s steep living expenses, income absolutely matters.
One woman confessed, “So long as combined is minimum 7k, I am okay. I feel 7k is enough for both of us, no need to push to hard and let the mental stress/physical toil affect us.
If below 7k and I’m the breadwinner, I think I’ll feel a lot of pressure to improve my salary.”
Another admitted, “In an ideal world, at least double my pay if I’m still gonna work. Childcare is expensive in this economy.
But if I’d stop working, then he has to step-up and be able to cover what would’ve been my share. However, at the minimum, I’d take a guy making 30% less than I do.”
Several others mentioned they’d prefer their future partners to earn at least as much as—or more than—they do.
Read related: Singapore’s female HENRYs (High Earners, Not Rich Yet) reveal why they don’t date men who earn less than them
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