SINGAPORE: A woman with a rather toxic circle of friends wrote that she had to distance herself to escape them.

In an anonymous post to popular confessions page, the woman wrote that at the beginning, she was a member of the clique, but said: “I don’t intend to come across as rude, but I simply can’t comprehend why the rest that is inside the clique would condone and encourage cheating, and go as far as insulting someone’s spouse behind their back especially when they have a kid together! It’s astonishing how they manage to convince themselves that such actions are not only acceptable but also justified”. She added that there was a woman in the group who seemed to be the mastermind behind the entire situation.

She wrote that the ‘mastermind’ would manipulate the situation to victimise herself while claiming her boyfriend did not care about her because he had to travel for work. “Meanwhile, she engages in deceitful activities, lying in other men’s beds and going on dates with people on Tinder, all while keeping it hidden from her partner of years. (She’s the person who encouraged the married individual the most to cheat on their spouse.) What strikes me as utterly ridiculous is her self-appointed role as a “queen bee,” using her insecurities as a justification to ostracize others and label them as weird”, the netizen wrote in her post.

She went on to say that the woman in her clique was attention-seeking and wanted validation from others, all of which pointed to a deep-seated insecurity. “At the end of the day, resorting to such childish tactics and trampling on others to feel better about oneself is a clear sign of a profoundly insecure human being”, she said.

Netizens who commented on the post lauded her for leaving. One wrote: “Good that u left. These are people who try to influence those ard them or hang ard the same type of people to convince themselves to feel better or victimized despite knowing deep down what they are doing is wrong”. Another person commented: “It is not up to you to change people. But it is up to you to love and protect yourself from toxic people. So it is job well done, get out of such a place”.

SINGAPORE: A man took to social media about not wanting to have children, but his wife had “accidentally” gotten pregnant.

In an anonymous post to popular confessions page NUSWhispers, the man said he did not want to be a parent. He added that this was something he conveyed to his wife early on, which they both agreed to. “Yet, she refuses to abort it even though we talked about finances (low income family), time (both of us are working irregular shift hours) and caretaking arrangements (cannot afford a babysitter, and parents are out of the question)”. The man wrote that even after they went for multiple counselling sessions to try to agree on things, his wife refused to look at the issue logically and felt that things will somehow work out, “that money will drop from the sky or something. Stressed out and having some dark thoughts about ending things. Looking for helpful advice”, the man wrote.

Netizens told him to consider the toll of the issue on his wife and urged him to reconsider and try to work things out with her. One said: “If u get her to abort when she’s in love with the baby, do u know how much of mental and emotional stress u have to deal with her after the abortion is done? She will be broken because she didn’t want to abort, but did it for ….you. I believe you can maybe try to make the situation better now, perhaps try finding other jobs to have a more standard 9-5 work hours or something and evenings do something more to earn extra. Grab? Tuition? Deliveries? Same thing for your wife, see if there’s a shift that she can stick to because of child minding In the evenings or switch jobs. When baby is born, try to apply for IFC or pg (if she can stay home longer to care for baby). There are subsidies for working mums and further subsidies for low income families. Alternatively, can get a helper to care for baby full time as you two work also”.

Another netizen commented: “Not sure which is worse: bringing an innocent child into this world, knowing that you can’t feed him/her or ending it’s life prematurely. It’s a chicken and egg situation so I wouldn’t wana blame OP or anyone. Personally if u ask me, I believe all is not lost. There’s social service for low income households with the FAS (Financial Assistance Scheme) that you can apply for. For someone like me who hates children before and now having two little joys of my own, all I can say is that the priceless happiness and satisfaction you get when you see your little one borned (sic) and when he/she starts to call you Daddy, is worth every effort. That alone is a motivation for you to want to improve your financial situation to better provide for your child”.

SINGAPORE: A woman took to social media asking for help after she found her new husband to be extremely disrespectful. In an anonymous post to popular confessions page NUSWhispers, the woman said she got married not too long ago and moved in with her husband. “However after moving in together I found that my husband is an extremely disrespectful person. We work from home in the same study room and as someone who loves to chat, during the day I often initiate conversations with my husband but he’s never paying attention to me. He’s always deep in his work and even when I’m talking he is still looking at his computer and typing away”.

She explained that even after raising the issue multiple times, her husband says his work requires a lot of concentration and he is not able to respond to her immediately each time she speaks to him. “He says we can allocate time during the day to talk, like during lunch or tea breaks, but not when he’s working. However, I’m someone who needs to get something off my chest right away so what he proposed is unacceptable to me. I find such behavior so rude and am contemplating a divorce. We don’t have a kid yet and the stakes are low now”, the woman wrote. She added that all things considered, despite his behaviour of ignoring her, he was a responsible husband.

The woman asked netizens if she should proceed with the divorce. Netizens who commented on her post felt that she was unreasonable and suggested there could be other underlying issues.

One netizen commented: ” ‘Other than this ignoring behavior, he’s actually a responsible husband. Should I go ahead with it?’ No. You also say that he’s a responsible husband. Personally, I mostly don’t like to chat or be distracted when I am working either. I actually don’t understand why you need to insist that he talks to you when he’s working.

These days, I also don’t go to campus every day and work from home some days. My wife is 100% WFH. Interestingly, my wife is actually the one who gets annoyed when I distract her while she’s working. She tells me off and I diam diam (keep quiet). You can either learn from me or you can consider doing one of the following 2 strategies: (i) ask him to go back to his office to work, so that you will not be there to distract him and he can give you his full attention when he’s back from work; (ii) if things do not improve, go for marriage counselling before contemplating a divorce.

The fact that you are contemplating divorce over what is frankly a trivial matter suggests that there is an underlying problem in your relationship. It’s likely not about whether the husband talks to you while he’s working. I suspect that you feel like you are not getting enough attention. I would recommend that you think more deeply about the root of the problem and have an honest discussion with the husband about the underlying unhappiness. Marriage is hard and it doesn’t work by accident. Both parties need to work at it. My wife and I have a wonderful marriage. Again not by accident. We both worked at it for many years. All the best!”