SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit on Monday (May 5) to express deep concern for her sister, who she says “feels trapped in her own home” due to their domineering 70-year-old father.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, the woman described how her father has gradually taken over her sister’s household, controlling the space and disrupting the family’s peace.
“Like all old people, he tends to whine and nag. But lately he has been going overboard,” the woman said. “He rules my sister’s house like it’s his, and my sister is pitiful. She is obviously feeling stuck. She cannot do what she wants in her own home. Her husband is super nice. He puts up with my dad. But I can see his patience running thin over the years.”
She went on to recount several troubling incidents that have taken place under their roof, with one of the most concerning being how their 70-year-old father treats his young grandson.
“He hits my 2.5-year-old nephew to ‘discipline’ him when he is mischievous. The child gets whacked a few times a day. Yesterday, my sister’s husband argued with my dad. Told him off for repeatedly hitting my nephew. My dad can stay with them, but the husband made it clear it’s their house and their rules that he has to abide by,” she wrote.
Moreover, the woman said that his father has essentially claimed the living room as he stays there from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m.
“[He’s only] watching TV, and the living room decor stuff entirely belongs to my dad. He has some dangerous stuff, like a huge vase on a table. My nephew has bumped the table a few times, and the vase shook, but my dad refuses to move the vase.”
His behaviour towards the household’s domestic helper has also raised alarm. The woman mentioned that he frequently hurls verbal abuse at the helper and, on one occasion, even called her an “idiot.” The helper confided in the woman’s mother that she could report the mistreatment to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM), but she had stayed silent out of respect for her employer.
She added, “Yesterday things got out of hand, and my sister told him to look for a rental flat. [But we] just realised he is ineligible as we have houses he can stay in. He can’t buy a flexi home as well cause he [has no] money in OA. Mum is super nice and can’t go against my dad. He threatened to punch her two days back just because she talked back to him.”
Ending her post, the woman asked fellow Redditors for advice on how to handle the situation with their elderly father.
“When people get old, their minds degenerate. It could be dementia.”
In the comments section, many Redditors were quick to offer support and suggestions, noting that the situation sounded really tough for the whole family, especially for the sister and her young child. A lot of them agreed that it might be time to seek outside help, since it seemed like things were getting out of control at home.
One person suggested involving social services, saying, “Maybe try reporting the case to the Family Service Centre (FSC)? They can send counsellors to talk to him. It may be good to have third-party intervention at this point since the family isn’t able to cope anymore.”
Another pointed out that the father’s behaviour could be health-related, writing, “Please go send him to the doctors for a checkup. When people get old, their minds degenerate. It could be dementia causing personality disorder or even a mild stroke.”
Someone else added, “Probably your dad has some underlying mental issues. Try bringing him to the hospital for a checkup in the hope that he is aware of it. Most of the time, it is generational trauma. My grandpa has it. My parents also have it. My siblings and I also have it. Only with awareness will he acknowledge and hopefully seek help to be better.”
Where to seek help
If you or any of your family members are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or unsure of how to deal with a difficult situation at home, don’t be afraid to seek help. Family Service Centres (FSCs) are set up to support individuals and families through a wide range of issues, whether it’s emotional struggles, family conflict, relationship breakdowns, or other social challenges.
To find the nearest FSC in your neighbourhood, you can call the ComCare hotline at 1800 222 0000 or visit their website.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)