SINGAPORE: A 25-year-old woman took to social media to share how uncomfortable she’s been ever since a male colleague started giving her unwanted gifts and attention.
Posting on Reddit’s ‘Ask Singapore’ forum on Wednesday (March 12), she explained that it all started on Valentine’s Day when the colleague, apparently in his mid-30s, silently approached her from behind and placed a heart-shaped box of chocolates and snacks on her desk before walking away without a word.
A week later, he showed up at her desk again, this time handing her some fruit before casually asking her to scan a QR code to exchange WhatsApp contacts.
“I felt uncomfortable as I already had a bf. He has been putting food on my desk every week. He would message me calling me ‘美女’, apologised for his ‘bad English’ and asked if he was disturbing me,” she said. “I said no and tried to casually mention my boyfriend in the conversation because he gave me chocolates on Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t want him to get any ideas.”
The woman added that even though she kept her responses polite but distant, her male colleague continued to “send long messages”, ask about her daily activities, and invite her out. At one point, he even mentioned wanting to take her around China to try different cuisines.
“I would give short replies and he would reply with 10 messages. He would ask me what I’m doing and if I liked the food at work,” she continued. “In all his replies, he would say that he is very happy that I replied to him and try to seek reassurance that he is not bothering me.”
Recently, however, the situation became more worrying. He began commenting on her appearance, telling her that she was very pretty and had nice skin.
“It really weirded me out,” she said. “His behaviour is making me very uneasy, and even my colleagues found his actions weird. I’m worried about future work interactions. How do I handle this situation without creating major conflict? Any chance it is a cultural difference?” she asked at the end of her post.
“You need to be very direct with someone like that”
In the discussion thread, many advised the woman to ignore any messages unrelated to work and keep all interactions strictly professional. They warned that engaging in small talk might only encourage her colleague to persist in his advances.
“Don’t encourage him to talk to you. And don’t feel bad telling him the truth. When he asks if he’s bothering you, just say that he is. And tell him you will only communicate with him as colleagues regarding work matters only, nothing about personal life,” one said.
“This has happened to me before. You need to be very direct with someone like that or they will take your subtle rejections as a green light to keep inching forward, seeing if you’ll eventually give in. Don’t give him a chance to twist things and say that you “led him on” cause you didn’t say a firm yes when he asked if he’s bothering you,” another shared.
Meanwhile, others urged her to report the matter to HR. They pointed out that his behaviour had already crossed professional boundaries and could turn into a bigger issue if left unchecked.
“Report to HR. It’s difficult cause he is going to see you in office and you are going to see him. It’s not a simple block and ignore situation. HR can intervene on your behalf if they are decent,” one added.
Workplace harassment pushes women to quit
A 2021 study by the gender equality group Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) found that workplace harassment is driving many women out of their jobs in Singapore. Of the 39 women interviewed in the study, 22 left their jobs because of harassment, and one in four even changed careers. Shockingly, nearly 70% had only been in their roles for less than a year when the harassment began, cutting short their opportunities for career growth.
Men have been victims too
While women deal with the bulk of workplace harassment, men aren’t completely spared either. In 2019, an anonymous man wrote to the HR Digest, seeking help after his female colleague, whom he referred to as Alicia in his post, constantly harassed him at the office. She even got hold of his personal phone number and would call him at home after work and on weekends.
Cases like this highlight that workplace harassment can happen to anyone, regardless of gender.
How do you know if it’s harassment?
Some forms of workplace harassment are obvious, while others are more subtle. According to employment law firm Lipsky Lowe, harassment or unwanted attention at work can involve:
- Receiving unwanted gifts that make you uncomfortable
- Receiving offensive jokes
- Getting unwanted messages via phone, email, text, or social media
- Being repeatedly asked out by a colleague even though you’ve rejected them before
- Getting inappropriate remarks about your looks
- Being excluded from meetings or decisions for no real reason
- Getting threats
- Any kind of unwanted touching, e.g a pat on the back or a hand on the shoulder
What can you do about it?
If you ever find yourself dealing with workplace harassment, here are some things you can do, according to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM):
- If possible, try to keep your distance from the person bothering you.
- Stick with a buddy in situations where you feel unsafe.
- If you’re feeling threatened, reach out for help using a pre-arranged signal or alert system.
- Check your company’s harassment policies and report the situation to HR, your manager, or a neutral party.
- If your company doesn’t take action, reach out to TAFEP (Tripartite Alliance for Fair and Progressive Employment Practices) for advice.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)