SINGAPORE: How much can someone take before they finally reach their limit? One Singaporean woman took to Reddit to share that she’s close to giving up on her marriage because her husband hasn’t been pulling his weight in their relationship for a while.
Posting in the r/askSingapore subreddit, the 31-year-old woman explained that she lives with her husband, their two young kids, and her in-laws in their home. While she’s thankful that her in-laws help out with the children, she said it still feels like she’s doing everything on her own, especially when it comes to emotional and financial responsibilities.
What’s been weighing heavily on her is the behaviour of her 35-year-old husband. She said that despite her constant pleas, he has continued to trade forex and secretly borrow money from licensed moneylenders.
“I know he means well and wants to provide for us, but his actions are breaking my trust over and over again. We don’t even have an emergency fund. We’re not financially secure, and yet he still takes these risks — without involving me or being honest about it,” she wrote.
“What hurts even more is that I made career changes based on his assurance that he could handle the household finances. I trusted him. But by the time I found out the truth, it was too late. I’ve already made the huge change before I knew he had a few personal loans and moneylender loans (up to date, the personal loans have been consolidated into DCP, the moneylender loan, however, he gives me different answers every time I confront him). I felt trapped — emotionally, financially, and mentally,” she added.
The woman also shared that she’s had “countless conversations” with her husband about the issue. She’s asked for “openness, teamwork, and shared responsibility,” but nothing has changed.
“It feels like I’m carrying everything — the house, the kids, my emotions — while he hides behind ‘good intentions,’” she expressed.
“Some days I feel like I’m just going through the motions, pretending to be okay while I’m breaking inside. I’m trying to stay strong for our kids, but I feel emotionally exhausted and deeply betrayed.”
Wrapping up her post, she reached out to the community for advice and support. “If you’ve ever been in a similar place, how did you cope? How do you protect your mental and emotional peace when the person you counted on to be your partner keeps letting you down?”
“I just need someone safe to talk to who won’t judge — someone to help me make sense of this.”
“Your husband is obviously taking you for granted…”
Many commenters said the woman’s husband might have a gambling problem. They pointed out that his risky forex trading, secret loans, and unclear answers were signs that something was seriously wrong.
“He is a gambler. Remember the ad, ‘Just one more time,’ the gambling father says to the child. He will never stop, since he is already lying his way to gamble more. Divorce now or too late, ah, he brings the whole family down with him,” one comment read.
“You know why men can do this? Sorry to be blunt, but because you are too nice. I would not beg him to stop. I would ask him to stop or get a divorce. Why? Kids are involved. I am not going to stay with a man involved in money lenders and risk my child’s safety or in-laws (elderly),” another wrote.
“You deserve much better. Your husband is obviously taking you for granted,” a third remarked.
Some also encouraged the woman to consider seeking professional help, not just for herself but for her husband as well, if he is willing to acknowledge the problem.
“You don’t need to give him an ultimatum, but if you still want to save the marriage, you can assure him of your love and support, but let him know it might be good to seek some professional help,” one user said.
How to support a loved one with gambling issues
Dealing with someone who has a gambling problem can be overwhelming, especially when it affects your family’s finances and trust. Still, there are ways you can help them without adding more pressure.
According to Health Hub, you can start by talking to the person gently. Share how their gambling has made you feel, but try not to sound like you are blaming them.
It’s also important to give them the space to talk. Let them share what they’re going through in their own words, and try to listen without interrupting or judging.
Even if you don’t agree with everything they say, showing that you’re willing to listen can help build trust. Sometimes, simply being heard and knowing that someone cares can make them feel less alone and more open to getting help.
You can also support them by simply spending more time together and helping them build better habits. It could be things like going for walks, cooking meals, or finding fun activities to do that don’t involve gambling.
If they’re open to it, try working out a plan as a team as well. For example, you could set up a joint bank account that requires both your approvals to make any withdrawals.
Moreover, you can help them apply for a self-exclusion order so they won’t be able to enter local casinos, encourage them to get professional help, or call a gambling helpline for support.
Read also: I gave 7 years of emotional and financial support to him, only to lose him to his female best friend
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