Is family truly more important than anything else? Should we always prioritize them?
These well-known phrases about the significance of family are widespread, even though it’s often acknowledged that family dynamics can be challenging or even dysfunctional.
“No-contact”
In recent years, however, a controversial discussion has emerged around the idea of completely severing ties with relatives deemed “toxic.”
This practice, known as going “no contact,” typically involves adult children cutting off their parents. It may result from years of abuse, disapproval after a child comes out as LGBTQ+ or even political or religious disagreements.
The “no contact” movement has both supporters and critics.
Advocates argue that people should feel no shame in removing themselves from harmful relationships, insisting that family members should be held to the same standards as friends and romantic partners.
Critics, however, contend that the threshold for what qualifies as family trauma has become too lenient and that some children who sever ties are simply being selfish.
In Singapore
An article from Channel News Asia wrote that young adults in Singapore are increasingly open about the tensions and complexities in their family relationships, particularly when it comes to setting firm boundaries with their parents.
Many are beginning to embrace the idea of stepping away from unhealthy parent-child dynamics, reflecting a global shift toward normalizing these decisions.
On platforms like TikTok, videos of grown children explaining their difficult circumstances have gone viral, with hashtags such as #nocontactwithparent and #raisedbynarcissists attracting thousands of views.
This movement has also found a space on the online forum Reddit, where a sub-thread titled “Estranged Adult Kids” has gained significant traction, amassing around 45,000 members who share advice and personal stories about their experiences with family estrangement.
In the city-state, this growing awareness of family tension and estrangement has led to greater recognition of the issue.
A significant step was taken in July last year when the Maintenance of Parents Act was amended to protect victims of abuse from being forced to support their elderly parents financially.
During the parliamentary debate over the amendment, Member of Parliament Seah Kian Peng revealed that nearly one in three cases brought before the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents involve allegations of abandonment, abuse, or neglect experienced by children in their formative years.
Societal expectations vs self-care
For some individuals, the trauma that led to estrangement stems from physical abuse. In contrast, for others, emotional or psychological scars from their upbringing have shaped their decision to distance themselves from their parents.
A Reddit user shared, “I don’t think we should ever let societal expectations hold us back. We shouldn’t base our actions on what society thinks or believes… What’s the alternative?
Do you stay loyal to abusive parents just to please strangers? What good does that do you? It’s nonsense to blindly adhere to values… For better or worse, your parents raised you. How you repay that is your choice, but it doesn’t mean they have control over your life.”
Another Reddit user echoed this sentiment: “What you said is right! It may not be widely accepted yet to protect yourself from abusive parents, but it’s messed up that someone might feel forced to endure that abuse just because thousands of years ago,
Confucius said you must bring honour to your family… Just love your parents, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”