SINGAPORE: A 24-year-old woman earning S$5,000 monthly recently revealed on social media that her 54-year-old mum shamed her in front of the whole family for not giving her more allowance.
“She wanted 20% of income as monthly allowance, because I’m earning more than her and my older sister (27F, property agent). I tried to reason with her that I have no saving accounts for emergency, future bto and even normal accounts. (MA below 1k, parents used my MA to pay for late grandpa bills).
She started to continuously harass me by constantly bringing out the whole family [to the] table to shame me for giving less (even my cousin asking me on it) through 6 months into work.”
However, the daughter refused to give in to her mum’s demands, as she earns more than S$4,000 and splurges on luxurious items.
She says that her mum buys several bags and shoes per month, her most recent purchases being three Gucci bags and two Dior bags, and she travels five times a year. To add to the family problem, her retired dad also struggled with alcoholism.
Furthermore, the daughter shared that she’s been trying to save more because her mum constantly urges her to “quickly marry and apply for BTO.”
Her mum also made it clear that once she does, she won’t contribute to the wedding or BTO as she has already helped her sister before.
“We have been fighting so much to the point it have strained the relationship, where greetings is only enough to hold the relationship together.”
“Last month, I fainted in the MRT due to work and exam stress. I woke up to her and others helping me by making an emergency call. I assured them that I’m okay and continued working.
What hurts the most is, when we had a big fight, she kept implicating herself as a bad mother, and said that she will join the bystander and watch me in a vulnerable spot.
The whole time, I stated my side, suggest some time off to cool down and talk again. All i get was her saying she’s a bad mother and guilt tripping over and over.”
“If you give in and give the allowance they want, every year or pay raise will be a review year for them to ask for more”
In the comments section, another person shared a similar experience, recalling how their parents had also requested 20% of their income. However, they promptly refused this demand and gave what they felt comfortable with instead.
“If you give in and give the allowance they want, every year or pay raise will be a review year for them to ask for more,” she wrote.
“Also, I make it a point to never disclose my real salary to my parents (not something I would say is good, but I guess it depends on how close you are with your parents), so they do not know how much I am actually earning.
You may like to consider this.”
Other Singaporeans also criticized the mother for calling out her own daughter in front of the entire family. They commented that such behaviour is toxic and should not be accepted or tolerated.
One individual said, “She’s being really toxic by saying stuff like that to you. It’s amazing how she doesn’t understand the stress that you’re facing when she herself is in the workforce too.
Really hate it how she mentions it in front of the whole family to bring you down like that, I know how it feels.
And she IS a bad mother for saying toxic stuff like that. Helping your sister then not helping you? And still expects all the money.”
Some people suggested she consider moving out of the house if her mum continues to make unreasonable demands.
While they acknowledged that rent might be pricey, they mentioned that it could be worth it if it meant that she could keep her peace and distance from her family.
Earlier this year, Mr Loo, a Singaporean YouTuber, advocated for a change in the filial piety tradition that requires Asian children to provide monthly allowances to their parents.
In his video, Mr Loo argued that this practice is no longer relevant because the economy has changed dramatically, and the cost of living has made it extremely difficult for young people to survive daily.
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