SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman took to social media to ask netizens if it’s wrong of her to stop her parents, who are facing financial difficulties, from treating their rich relatives to expensive meals.
In her post on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, she shared that it’s quite upsetting for her to watch her parents treat their relatives, who are significantly better off, to meals that cost between S$30 and S$50 per person.
According to her, her parents only earn a combined income of S$5,000 and don’t have much savings outside their CPF. On top of that, they still have about S$90,000 left on their mortgage.
They’re also getting closer to retirement age.
Meanwhile, her relatives, who are in their early 50s, are living the high life, earning between S$30,000 and S$40,000 as a household.
They also live in a penthouse and own several properties; their kids have already graduated and landed solid jobs at multinational companies.
“I’m guessing it’s for face because my parents are always unwilling to share their salary with my relatives, and even when my dad was unemployed, he hid it from them,” she wrote.
“And my parents also REFUSE to believe my relatives are earning five digits per month, despite all evidence suggesting otherwise (e.g. penthouse, job title, company name),” she added.
While she acknowledged that her relatives also treat them to meals frequently, and she plans to reciprocate once she graduates and lands a good job, she emphasizes that her parents can’t afford to keep up this pattern of spending right now.
“Your parents also have dignity; they don’t want to just always take”
In the comments section, a few Singaporean Redditors advised her to talk openly with her parents about their financial situation.
One Redditor wrote, “I think you should talk to them about what they plan to do in retirement for money… you should also talk to them about their need to be more frugal and responsible regarding these family dinners.”
Conversely, some Redditors disagreed with her perspective, arguing that if the relatives often treat her parents with meals, there’s a social obligation to return the favour.
They pointed out that, in many families, reciprocating such gestures is expected and part of maintaining good relationships.
They then suggested that instead of changing her parents’ habits, she should focus on her studies, secure a stable job, and eventually help with the mortgage.
One Redditor explained, “Isn’t it quite obvious this is why your parents want to treat them back? To answer your question, I think you’re wrong to tell them to stop treating back for your relatives with meals.
Put it this way: your parents also have dignity; they don’t want to just always take, receive and get from their brothers/sisters/cousins and never give back. Not many people are okay to live like a parasite.
I don’t understand why you think it’s not okay.”
Another commented, “You can’t change anything, no matter what you say. Worry about your own savings and future because they will 100% depend on you when they’re old and unable to work because they have no savings.
You are their retirement plan.”
Others also encouraged her to let her parents do what they want unless it truly harms them.
One Redditor stated, “Treating somebody to a meal should have nothing to do with whether the other person is rich or poor; it is your intention that matters.
If they are happy to treat people, then it’s a reflection on them that they are wonderful, generous people.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)