SINGAPORE: A woman in her early 30s took to Reddit to share how dating in Singapore has been “quietly heartbreaking” for her, as this has been something that has weighed heavily on her heart.
U/Internal-Yoghurt7144 wrote in a recent post on r/SingaporeRaw that she rejoined the dating scene lately after pressing the pause button for a year. Previously, however, she had gone on more than 50 dates in five years, finding potential partners through apps, events, mutual friends, and even going on blind dates.
“I really gave it my all, but eventually, it just became too emotionally draining,” she wrote, adding that she has had two short-lived relationships, one of which left her somewhat scarred, affecting her confidence and causing her to not date for some time.
But dating today, at her age, feels “quite different,” given the smaller pool of dateable men. Additionally, the would-be partners she has met seem to be “emotionally unavailable” or are “only looking for something casual,” which she finds “even more disheartening.”
When she asked her family for advice, however, they suggested that she could “soften her energy, be more feminine, and avoid posting photos with guy friends on Instagram,” so she wouldn’t come across as unavailable, which she tried.
She admitted that adjusting parts of herself to seem more appealing had made her sad, as she felt she needed to do that. The post author added that she’s still “finding her footing financially,” which makes her wonder if this makes her less attractive as a partner.
However, what weighs heavily on her is that she wants to have a child one day, and feels her biological clock ticking. While freezing her eggs is an option, she can ill afford it.
“It just feels like I’m running out of time without the stability or resources to plan anything,” she wrote, adding, “There are moments I wonder if I’m too late, too much, or just not enough. But deep down, I still hope someone will see me for who I truly am, and choose to stay.”
When she asked others if they found dating harder today than in the past, many chimed in with answers.
“Guy here. I find dating too tiring. Feel like I can’t be myself, so I just focus on my own hobbies and career instead,” wrote one.
“As a single guy in my 30s, I agree the dating pool isn’t great, and is particularly devoid of people looking for something serious (guess everyone who was looking for something serious has already settled down, haha). In recent years, I’ve begun to wonder if I was the problem,” another answered.
In another vein, one observed that “Men don’t really care about women’s finances, just maybe that they don’t have a ton of credit card debt. Personally, a lady who earns 2k a month but has a nice and pleasant personality beats someone who earns 10k a month anytime.”
One encouraged and reassured the post author, writing, “Don’t give up because the life partner you’re searching for will be worth it. If it’s easy, you won’t treasure it… But nobody is really ever too late. Try not to force yourself to be more attractive and appealing. Like you’ve mentioned, people can smell desperation, and it is a major turn-off. You can yearn for a relationship, but you must also be ok to walk away and be comfortably single. I found my partner at 31yo, it’s been a year. I’m 32 now. I was evergreen before her, but the wait was worthwhile.” /TISG
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