Chinese husband divorces wife over surname dispute, woman scores remarkable custody win

CHINA: In a case that has ignited a fervent debate on Chinese social media, a Shanghai man filed for divorce after his wife insisted that their son take her surname instead of his. The case, reported by Henan Television and featured in the South China Morning Post, highlighted the ongoing tension between tradition and evolving family dynamics in modern China.

The man, identified as Shao, and his ex-wife, Ji, have two children — a daughter who took Shao’s surname in 2019 and a son who took Ji’s surname in 2021. According to reports, Shao repeatedly urged Ji to allow their son to adopt his surname, but she refused. This disagreement led to their separation, and by 2023, they had formally divorced. Since the split, their children have lived with Ji.

In the aftermath of the divorce, Shao sought custody of their daughter, while Ji sought custody of both children, arguing that she had been the primary caregiver. The court ruled in her favour, citing her longstanding care of the children, and Shao’s request for custody of their son was denied. The court emphasised the principle of “the best interests of the child” in its decision.

Although custody battles often favour mothers in China, Shao’s appeal to a higher court was also rejected. The court ordered him to provide child support for both children until they reached adulthood.

“Does it really matter whose surname the children take?” another comment asked. “What counts most is a loving and balanced relationship between the parents.” One more comment pointed out that Shao should be thankful his son was even taking his surname, given that Ji had carried the children for nine months and cared for them daily.

This case speaks to a broader cultural shift in China, particularly among younger generations and women, who are increasingly questioning the old patriarchal norm that dictates children must inherit their father’s surname. Over the past few years, voices online have spotlighted the often-invisible labour women have shouldered in childbearing, raising children, and managing domestic responsibilities.

In more economically prosperous areas of China, like the Yangtze River Delta, some families have even begun embracing a model known as “two-headed marriage” (liang tou hun). In this arrangement, families reject the concept of a bride price and agree that one child will take the father’s surname while the other will take the mother’s. This practice is seen as a move towards gender equality in family structures, challenging traditional norms about lineage and inheritance.

The case of Shao and Ji reflects not just a family dispute but a larger societal shift in how Chinese families are approaching gender roles, marriage, and tradition.