SINGAPORE: A 34-year-old Singaporean took to Reddit to ask if he was being selfish or unreasonable for not wanting his mum and older brother to move into his future flat.
Posting on the r/askSingapore forum on Monday (May 5), the man explained that he had been craving peace and quiet for years. So when his mum told him that she and his older brother planned to move into his future flat, so that they could rent out their current home for passive income, he felt upset and overwhelmed.
He explained that living with his family had been “mentally exhausting” over the years because of the emotional and financial pressure they placed on him. “While both my mum and brother work part-time, I’m the only one with a full-time job. I’m also the one she leans on most — not my brother,” he wrote.
Moreover, he wholeheartedly admitted that he doesn’t want to recreate their current living situation, where his mum constantly “wears him down.”
“When my mum is in a bad mood, she often vents her frustrations on us and speaks negatively, which really wears me down emotionally,” he said.
“Even though I have my own room, the atmosphere at home feels suffocating. Sometimes I deliberately stay out late just to avoid the negativity. The only time I actually feel at ease at home is when my mum is away. Her constant complaints — especially about my dad and life in general — really drag me down. In Chinese, we’d call it ‘fan gan’ (emotional frustration), and that’s exactly how I feel,” he continued.
He also shared that a few years ago, when he merely hinted at the idea of moving out, his mum reacted badly. She accused him of “abandoning the family” and said she would become depressed if he left.
To make things worse, his mum even compared him to his cousins, pointing out how “good they were to their own parents.” “It’s that typical Asian mum guilt trip, and it stings. I know she means well in her own way, but it just adds to the pressure I already feel,” he said.
Burdened by guilt, he shelved the idea and continued living at home. However, now that he’s approaching the eligibility age of 35 to buy his own BTO flat as a single in Singapore, he feels it’s finally time to put his needs first.
“I need space — physically and emotionally. I told her I want to live on my own and suggested she could rent out my current room for some passive income to help with household bills,” he said.
“I already do most of the cleaning at home, but it’s more than that — it’s the clutter and habits that overwhelm me. I know many Asian mums like to hoard plastic containers, bottles, and bags, but the sheer amount of stuff in our home has become unbearable. And when I try to clear it, she gets upset. Sometimes I just want to walk away because I’ve had enough. The clutter has even led to baby cockroach infestations.”
Conflicted by the whole situation, he asked the community, “How do you deal with a situation like this without feeling guilty? Am I wrong for just wanting my own space and life?”
“You’re not unreasonable for just wanting your own space and life.”
The post quickly garnered responses from Singaporeans, many of whom understood his situation and shared supportive words, solidarity, and practical advice.
One individual said, “You are right in wanting to live your own life. Please don’t suffer like this. Just provide what you are comfortable with to support her after you move out.
Another shared, “Just move. I live in a very similar environment with my mom screaming at my unemployed brother almost every day, and my sanity is wearing thin (even though I tried to go out more). I can’t wait to move out, and you should too. Draw boundaries, be prepared for, and be firm against backlash.”
A third explained, “You might feel guilt, it’s normal. And no, you’re not unreasonable for just wanting your own space and life. It’s quite normal for Singaporean parents to act like moving out before 35 is the end of the world, and that you are abandoning them. I have experienced this myself when moving out.
At some point, you need to choose how firm you want to draw your boundaries. Just get your own place, limit access to your place, and don’t give your family members keys. If you really need to, just go no contact totally.”
In other news, a man shared on social media that his girlfriend called him “heartless” for refusing to cover the full cost of her dental procedure.
In an anonymous post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, the man explained that the dental procedure she needed was priced at around S$1,200 in Singapore. Wanting to be financially sensible, he suggested they consider getting the treatment done in Johor Bahru, where it would only cost about S$400.
However, his girlfriend rejected the idea outright, saying it was “beneath her” to go across the border for medical treatment.
Read more: Man says his GF called him ‘heartless’ for refusing to pay the full S$1.2k for her dental treatment
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