SINGAPORE: When a Filipino Reddit user who was puzzled by their friend’s racist behaviour asked if Filipinos are perceived poorly in Singapore, many reassured her that this is not the case and urged her to confront her friend.
In a post on r/askSingapore on Monday (June 23), which has received nearly 500 comments, u/StatementHappy741 wrote that she lives in an English-speaking country and has a Singaporean friend whom she has known for the past couple of years.
While they get along well, this friend occasionally makes jokes about how Filipinos are known for being domestic helpers.
“Her remarks strike me as a bit racist, quite frankly,” the post author wrote, providing some examples. Once, when they were at a barbecue, her friend said she should clean up afterwards “because I’m Filipino”. While her Singaporean friend found this amusing, no one else did, and the remark took the other people present aback. However, the post author did not confront her as she did not want to ruin the party.
During another dinner, when she asked her friend to pass her something, her friend said, “Say Ma’am.” When the others around did not understand, the Singaporean friend explained that “Filipinos are known as helpers in SG and they usually say ‘ma’am/sir’ to their employers.” Again, no one found this funny.
“I guess I want to know if this kind of behaviour is normalised in SG?” she asked.
Many Singaporeans who commented on the post got upset on her behalf and reassured the post author that they do not treat their Filipino friends and colleagues this way.
“This isn’t ‘casual racism among close friends’; she’s literally belittling you using whatever she can get her hands on. Not all Filipinos are helpers, and not all helpers are Filipinos. My question is, why is she so obsessed with treating you as if you are one?” wrote one.
“I see (Filipinos) in retail/F&B/healthcare (just see the nurses/patient associates who win awards at various levels every year…” chimed in another.
A commenter wrote, “I am a 49-year-old Singaporean of Chinese ethnicity, and I take offence at what your ‘friend’ said. I love my Pinoy friends with whom I played basketball. Warmest and nicest bunch of people ever. Your ‘friend’ is an insecure bigot, plain and simple. There is a fine distinction between racial profiling based on general stereotypes and being a prejudiced bigot.”
“I have Filipino colleagues in SG who are NOT domestic helpers and I definitely won’t even dream of talking to them like your ‘friend’ is doing,” another added.
While another wrote that it’s a “common enough mindset” in Singapore, they also wrote that people who treat Filipinos this way should not be considered friends.
“She would have gotten a slap if she mentioned that. I was raised by Pinoy helpers growing up, but I would dare not even mention that casually to any Filipino colleagues or acquaintances unless they ask if I had Filipino helpers when growing up, specifically,” one added.
Many urged the post author to confront her friend.
“Bring this up. Your friend’s behaviour is not acceptable, even if you’re close enough to have ‘inside jokes.’ Best case—she learns, gains new awareness, and stops making such remarks completely. Worst case—she remains tone deaf, then perhaps it’s best to just spend less time with someone still learning to mature,” was a top-rated comment.
“Confront her if she’s your friend. Tell her you’re uncomfortable with her remarks,” was another.
“Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. If she really is a friend, she will apologise and stop,” said one.
“You have to communicate to her that you’re not comfortable with such remarks. I did it with my friend group as well. It was supposed to be an in-joke but had horrible implications when heard out of context, so I voiced my discomfort, and that was the end of it,” another wrote.