SINGAPORE: A man took to Reddit on Wednesday (May 21) to ask if it’s wrong to secretly want a larger share of his parents’ inheritance, even as he grapples with feelings of guilt over receiving any money from them at all.
In his post, the man shared that he has recently begun helping his ageing parents manage their finances and plan for retirement, including looking into CPF Life schemes. However, this process has stirred up conflicting emotions.
“A part of me feels wrong. I feel wrong that I would get money from them. Don’t get me wrong, at first I was like holy smokes I’ll be getting this much money!?!? Some more + CPF?! But the more I think about it, I feel… guilty?” he wrote.
“I don’t feel like I’ve earned this money. Like, why? Just because I was the product of their genetic material, do I get all their assets? I get it from their point of view, you would want your assets to go somewhere useful. But I just feel so guilty even thinking about the money I’ll get. I know that I’ll cry and grieve when they pass, that this money wouldn’t even make me happy over my grief. Instead, it would just make me feel so guilty.”
What troubles him more is the quiet, internal voice that wishes for a larger share of the inheritance compared to his sibling.
“Instead of 50/50 with my sibling, I feel like I would want more. Is it normal? I feel like it’s normal, like who wouldn’t want more money, right?” he said.
He reasoned that he had been the one actively involved in managing their financial matters. He had taken the initiative to understand their retirement plans, insurance policies, and CPF accounts. He was the one helping them think long-term and solve issues. In contrast, his sibling was not very involved and had a history of being less careful with money.
This made him wonder if his greater effort should be recognised. Not out of greed, but because he felt he would use the money more wisely and responsibly.
He added, “When I think about it, I’m like […] 10% extra is so much and would be so useful to me. Then the guilt thoughts set in. I’m not hoping for them to pass quicker. I’ll be devastated. Of course, I want the money, but at the same time, I feel guilty that I want a larger piece of it.
A part of me wants to bring them to overseas trips while I still have them, but a part of me doesn’t want to get so attached cause it’ll leave me more devastated when they eventually pass.”
He ended his post by asking others if they had ever felt this kind of emotional conflict.
“How did you guys deal with getting your parents’ inheritance? Does my dilemma of bringing parents overseas vs not getting too attached to them make sense? If I read it back to myself, it sounds so stupid, like, bro, just make what memories you can with them and you’ll probably regret it in the future that you didn’t, but my feelings are just afraid. Indifferent?”
“Earn your own living. Any inheritance you get is a bonus.”
In the thread, a lot of people shared their thoughts, and most seemed to agree on one thing: inheritance shouldn’t be something you expect or feel entitled to.
One individual said, “It’s not your money in the first place. Your parents should enjoy themselves first; they have worked hard for their money. You need to look after them and stop thinking of yourself. Anything you get is a bonus, but you should get them to enjoy their sunset years.”
Another wrote, “Your post is very contradictory. You feel guilty about taking the money. Yet you hope to get more of it. I’ve seen families arguing over inheritance. Money just screws up people’s psychology, and exposes their true colours.
My advice is to focus on being able to take care of your own life and earn your own living. Spend time with your family and loved ones. Any inheritance you get is a bonus.”
A third added, “None of the money is yours to think about. Retirement planning should be just that — helping them plan adequately for their retirement and encouraging them to splurge on themselves if they have excess funds.”
In other news, a Singaporean man shared on social media that despite finally landing a well-paying job with decent working conditions, he continues to feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness and disconnection from his career.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, he reflected on his past work experiences, explaining that he had never managed to stay in one job for very long. For years, he believed it was simply because none of the roles were the right fit, comparing the process to searching for a life partner — something he hoped to eventually find and “commit to for the long term.”
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