SINGAPORE: A distraught woman took to social media to share that her boyfriend of 9 months told her that he “would love her more if she lost weight.”
“We fought for 3 days and he said that he was sorry that he hurt me but since it was not the first time that he brought that up i shouldn’t react this way. But this time he literally told me that he would love me more if I was skinny and this was the very thing that i was afraid of at the beginning of the relationship,” the woman shared on Reddit on Saturday (Feb 17).
She also explained that the reason she gained weight was because she was in a very bad place after her ex broke up with her and her grandmother died.
“I stopped going to the gym , taking care of me and ate a loooot of fast food. So of course i gained a lot of weight almost 90 pounds (40 kg),” she elaborated.
She has also explained to her boyfriend that even if she looked good in the past, she ‘still didn’t feel good’ because she was very insecure about her body back then. And she also starved herself just to keep her shape.
Today, however, she says that even though some insecurity remains, she now feels more confident as a woman.
But everything changed when she found out what her boyfriend thought of her.
“How can i feel loved by him again? What if he gets me pregnant and i get even bigger ? What if i never loose the weight?” the woman asked.
“He would not love you more if you lost weight. Know that.”
The post infuriated some Redditors, saying that what her boyfriend told her was horrible and hurtful.
One individual told her, “He would not love you more if you lost weight. Know that. Do what you want with that info.”
While another explained, “There’s a difference between talking to your partner about concerns for your health and his behaviour. It’s super manipulative to say he would love you more if you lost weight.
No partner should withhold affection under conditions like weight loss. A partner should lift you up and make you feel better about yourself. Not this….”
One forced her to face reality and said, “You’ve now seen the deeply inconsiderate side of your boyfriend and his hurtful comments aren’t something you can forget. I agree this is a relationship ending incident. I think you’ll feel better off without him than with him.”
Another individual suggested ending their relationship, stating, “Lose the boyfriend, you would feel so much better without that albatross around your neck.
He is not going to love you more if you lose weight, if you did lose weight, then it would be, you need to fix your hair this way and I’ll love you more etc etc.”
Is it acceptable to ask your partner to lose weight?
According to Fashion Journal, the answer to this question highly depends on the motivation behind asking a partner to lose weight. Is it for a life-threatening medical condition, or will losing weight significantly improve their partner’s life?
If yes, then you can intervene and make a suggestion. However, since this is a very sensitive matter, experts suggest always taking a mindful approach.
A clinical psychologist, Kasey Goodpaster, PhD, recommends initiating the conversation by asking permission to address it. In addition, instead of directly telling them to lose weight, an individual should first communicate why they want them to lose weight.
If, however, it’s only due to aesthetic reasons, it’s generally not an individual’s place to tell their partner to lose weight.
A psychotherapist, Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, told Men’s Health that “men who demand their mates lose weight are typically fighting off profound insecurities about their own imperfections and inadequacies.”
He also added, “These guys suffer from narcissistic personalities and need constant external validation to prove to the world they’re special.”
Read also: Girlfriend says, “My bf is a mama’s boy and I don’t know what to do about it”
Featured image by Depositphotos