SINGAPORE: After going on 37 first dates — and getting ghosted more times than he can remember after saying he was looking for “something serious“— a Singaporean man took to Reddit to share how “burnt out” he feels from dating these days.
Posting on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Thursday (June 19), he said that when he first started dating, he was genuinely hoping to find a relationship. But after going through what felt like an endless string of dates, he’s no longer sure what he really wants.
He also admitted that on some days, he craved “emotional intimacy,” while on other days, he just wanted to be left alone to “watch Netflix and eat mala in peace.”
“[I really have] nothing to show for it except a dent in my bank account and energy levels,” he wrote. “And I’m starting to ask myself: Am I dating because I actually want to connect or because I don’t want to be ‘the only single one’ in my group chat? To be honest, I don’t even know if I’m dating for the right reasons anymore. ”
At the end of his post, he asked the online community, “Is this normal?? Is anyone else feeling this weird dating fatigue mixed with FOMO? Would love to know how others are feeling. Are you dating with intention, just seeing how it goes, or taking a break completely? And how do you stay hopeful without burning out?”
“Try your best to live in the moment.”
In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor said he wholeheartedly agreed with the man’s sentiment that dating can be really exhausting. In fact, he even admitted that he had given up on it a long time ago.
He added, “I’m 26 and have never been in a proper relationship, and I just grew tired of chasing that emotional intimacy you mentioned. I’ve learnt to enjoy the perks of being single and am generally at peace with it. If the right person comes along, great. If not, being single is much more peaceful and stress-free.”
Another shared, “Bro, I’m also done with ghosting and getting stood up multiple times. I feel dating apps are for people who are mentally depressed and just want to kill boredom, if I’m being honest. And the amount of cheaters and people who lead you on these apps is crazy.”
A third added, “Woah. 37 first dates and nothing to show for is a lot. My worst was when I went on about 12 to 15 first dates, and got nothing out of all that. Took me some time to set my head straight. Perhaps you should consider changing your approach if you’re getting nothing?”
Despite all the negative stories, one user shared a more thoughtful view. They said that a big reason people feel so burnt out from dating is because they put too much pressure on the “outcome”.
Instead of enjoying the process of getting to know someone, many people end up stressing over whether each date will turn into a serious relationship.
“The main thing is to have a mindset of ‘If it works out, that’s great! If it doesn’t, that’s okay too,’” they continued. “So try your best to live in the moment, and just treat each date as if it’s a cinderella moment where this could be the last time y’all see each other. And that would make the moment ever sweeter when you do eventually find your prince charming, who just so happens to have your right shoe size.”
How many dates does it take to find the right person?
Studies and dating experts often estimate that it takes around 40 to 60 dates to find someone you’re truly compatible with. Still, that number isn’t set in stone. Some people might meet the right person early on, while others may go on dozens of dates before forming a real connection. The process can be long and emotionally draining at times, but experts say it really comes down to the individual. Your mindset, expectations, approach to dating, and even a bit of timing and luck all play a role.
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)