‘I’m still her child and I have feelings too’: Daughter says her mum favours siblings who give more money, even though she covers most family expenses

SINGAPORE: A 27-year-old Singaporean woman took to Reddit to express how painful it is to feel overlooked in her family simply because she gives her mother less money than her siblings.

“I know my mum doesn’t favour me because I can’t give her more or as much money as my siblings does. I have student loans to pay from when I studied in uni and also savings,” the woman wrote on the r/askSingapore forum on Thursday (Jun 19).

“To her, I have a higher pay so I should be able to give more but I’m not giving her more. She doesn’t want to understand that I have financial responsibilities because she doesn’t understand the concept and value of money after not working for 20 years. All she knows is that she’ll get money if she asks for it and she better get it when she asks for it.”

Still, the woman said she makes it a point to show up for the family whenever she can. She shared that she’s usually the one footing the bill for family celebrations.

“I’ve always been the one who paid for everyone’s birthday when we eat out. I paid for the bill for father’s day, everyone’s birthdays and sometimes even mine, and my parents’ anniversary. I bought the cake and gifts,” she said.

“For mother’s day, I split the bill with my younger brother to treat my entire family of 6 to dinner at Arab Street eating Mediterranean food. It costed us well over $350. ”

“I didn’t mind paying first, but one of my brothers transferred me half, saying that we should at least split the bill because it was a lot. My mum didn’t notice or cared that I paid first and eventually forked out half of the bill. She kept on bragging to her siblings and bringing up how thankful she was that my brother paid for mother’s day. Just my brother and not me.”

What cut even deeper was how her own birthday was handled. Initially, she had suggested a day trip to Johor Bahru, but changed her plans when she realised her youngest brother couldn’t join due to a CCA camp. Wanting everyone to be involved, she chose to have a small celebration at home instead.

Her only request was simple: to have three of her favourite dishes—chilli crab, prawn fritters, and mee soto—prepared for the occasion.

But even that, she said, was met with dismissal. “On the day of my birthday, my mother sent a message in the family group chat saying that she’ll be making changes to the menu. She’ll only be cooking chilli crab and the prawn fritters but not the mee soto even though I offered to help her cook and clean when it’s my birthday.”

“She eventually said that she was lazy because it’s just another day. I was in my room doing a bit of WFH (took half day off on my birthday which fell on a weekday) and just started crying because I felt so hurt for some reason.”

At the end of her post, the woman shared that she had long accepted she was not the favourite child in the family. It was something she had gradually made peace with over the years.

Even so, she admitted that moments like these still hurt more than she would like to admit. “Sometimes it sucks,” she wrote. “I’m 27 but I’m still her child and I have feelings too.”

“I hope you will have a wonderful 28th birthday next year.”

Local users quickly flooded the comments with support, telling her she’s not alone and that her feelings are completely valid.

Some also tried to cheer her up. One user said, “You matter too, and if there’s no one that knows how to treat you like you matter, then let’s start making yourself matter to yourself first. Great things will come to you. Please, please, please don’t ever put yourself down just for another person’s comfort.”

Another wrote, “Happy belated birthday. I am so sorry that you went through a sad 27th birthday. We can’t choose our family, but we can choose how we feel.

“I am not my mum’s favourite child either, so I don’t focus on her. I focus on those that love me. Yes, she is your mum and your immediate family. You need to love her, but you also need to love yourself first. I hope one day you will be able to come to peace with this and not feel upset if such a situation happens again. I hope you will have a wonderful 28th birthday next year.”

A third added, “Things will get better, don’t worry. You are a good daughter in the family. Unfortunately, you can’t choose your mother. Try to talk things out between you two, if that doesn’t work. Consider moving out and finding a partner. In time, your mum will appreciate you more when you are not living with her.”

In other news, a man in his late 20s recently turned to social media to ask how much money someone should be making before they feel ready to start dating.

Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit, he shared that he had just landed a short traineeship in data analytics within the finance sector. However, he revealed that his current pay is only in the mid-S$2,000 range.

Read more: Man earning S$2K a month asks: How much do you need to earn in Singapore before you’re ready to date?

Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)