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22-year-old Singaporean woman says family’s maid has been verbally abusive for two years, but parents refuse to act
SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean revealed on social media that her family’s domestic helper, who’s been taking care of her grandparents for seven years, has been verbally abusive towards her for the last two years.
Posting on the ‘Ask Singapore’ forum on Tuesday (March 25), she explained that she and the helper were once on good terms. “For the first 2/3 years, we used to be very close and basically like best friends,” she said.
However, things took a turn in 2023 when she stopped doing certain household chores due to her increasingly hectic schedule. She admitted that she used to wash her own dishes and clean not just her own bed but also her parents’ bed. But as life got busier, she no longer had the time or energy to keep up with those tasks.
She said that this was when the helper’s attitude towards her changed. The helper allegedly started making passive-aggressive comments and snide remarks, openly calling her out for not cleaning up after herself. The helper would also complain to her parents, saying things like, “Her attitude is very bad.”
The post author also alleged that the helper would interfere with her belongings. “I am very particular about my towels. I only like it hung dry and folded in my room but she [the helper] would take my folded towels in my room and throw it outside, claiming she wanted to ‘dry it in the sun’. I told my parents to tell her about it but she keeps on doing it,” she said.
The situation escalated further when the helper allegedly started being rude to her parents as well. The woman said she had calmly asked her to stop, but the helper misinterpreted her request as aggression.
Although she had been trying to tolerate the helper’s remarks and actions, she reached her breaking point when the helper insulted her twice in front of her parents.
She explained, “Yesterday, I told my dad about a sensitive topic about an eerie feeling in my room, so I went out for a walk after I woke up with that feeling. Before I left, I asked my helper, if this bottle of milk was the last, she said yes.
“Keeping strictly to business convos only, I went to clear my head to walk and suddenly it was raining. I got drenched and headed back home without buying the milk. Next day, my dad told my helper about my story and guess what she said, ‘Only jobless people feel this. I thought this stupid girl would buy milk since she knew it was the last, but she didn’t.'”
Then, the very next morning, she noticed another incident that confirmed her suspicions about the helper messing with her belongings. Her clean towel, which she had neatly placed on the washing machine, had been moved to a dirty table.
“I suspected it was her and got angry, so I placed her joggers on the table as well because my grandparent can’t reach the table, so it could not be her nor my dad ’cause he does not touch my things,” she said.
The woman, however, was shocked when the helper complained to her dad about this.
“My dad spoke to me about me touching her things. That was my last straw and I told her everything in the lines of taking advantage of me, being bossy and making snide remarks/ gestures. In anger, I told her to shut up, and she called me a ‘psycho b***h in front of my dad’,” she wrote.
“My parents do not say anything to her because they don’t want to fight and she has been a good helper ONLY in the terms of taking care of my grandparent. My parents/ I do the rest of the house chores recently in terms of changing the bed / cleaning the dishes and what not after we noticed a behaviour change,” she added.
Concluding her post, she asked members of the forum if she had done the right thing by standing up for herself.
“Put your foot down and tell your parents to stop being doormats.”
In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors urged the woman to convince her parents to let the helper go.
One commented, “Your parents tio gongtao ah? Wah first time hear the child fall below the helper in the ‘rankings’. I think it’s best if you bring your dad/parents out for a chat about this and insist on terminating/sending her home. Of course, you probably need to step in and offer to help in terms of caring for your grandparents in the meantime.”
Another said, “Tell your parents that you cannot take the bullying and verbal abuse anymore. If they don’t sack her, then you will move out for a peace of mind. Get them to choose. You or her.”
A third added, “This is insane. It doesn’t matter how ‘well’ she takes care of your grandparents, I can guarantee you that you can hire any new helper and they will be better than her. Put your foot down and tell your parents to stop being doormats.”
Still, there were a few who advised her to save her energy, arguing that confronting the helper or escalating the situation wouldn’t change anything.
One wrote, “There’s no point picking a fight with a helper and no point fighting parents who don’t want to look for another caretaker for grandma.
“Just ignore her or calmly push back when she gets abusive. Engaging her is like arguing with a puppy.”
Another said, “I think I understand your parents’ mindset. The next helper could be much worse, maybe she would beat up your grandma, or maybe she would give your house address to the loansharks, or maybe she would end up stealing money etc.”
Handling disputes with your helper: MOM’s advice
If you’re facing issues with your helper, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) advises addressing them early through open and honest communication. According to MOM’s website, “Disputes with your MDW might arise because of misunderstandings and differing expectations. When these happen, you should first try to resolve them with your MDW.”
However, if you find out that your helper has committed a crime, don’t try to deal with it on your own. Reacting aggressively or taking matters into your own hands could escalate the situation and even get you into legal trouble. MOM advises reporting the issue to the authorities immediately so they can handle it the right way.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
