SINGAPORE: A young Singaporean recently took to the online forum r/askSingapore to express her frustration over her dad’s refusal to seek psychiatric help for her mum’s deteriorating mental health.
In her post, she described how she proposed taking her mum to see a counselor or psychiatrist to understand the root of her “temper tantrums” and find better ways to manage them. However, her dad quickly dismissed the suggestion, insisting her mum was “just going through menopause” and that they should “just suck it up.”
“It’s getting very exhausting…I don’t want to keep walking on eggshells whenever I talk with her because even saying something in the wrong phrasing, even in a nice tone, can set her off very badly,” she wrote.
Her dad also mentioned that she shouldn’t worry about her mum’s behavior since her grandmother also acted the same way.
“[He said] they both think they’re the queen of the world and bla bla bla, to which I assume a contributing factor to this is generational trauma,” she said.
“I also feel like I’m slowly becoming like my mother. I hate it. I don’t want to be like her. I’m already trying my best to not be like her but I feel like I subconsciously act like her.”
“Bring your mum yourself, if you have to be the only adult in that house.”
In response, Singaporean Redditors suggested that she take her mum to a psychiatrist herself if her dad remains uncooperative.
One Redditor recommended taking immediate action by going directly to a polyclinic for an assessment and then getting a referral to a specialist or hospital. He added, “You can just bring her. Don’t wait, just go.”
Another echoed this sentiment and said, “If your father is on any medication, just take it away and tell him to also suck it up and use positivity and a ‘can do’ attitude to battle his ailments.
“Beyond that, you are not going to able to out argue an idiot. Bring your mum yourself, if you have to be the only adult in that house.”
A third Redditor suggested a different approach, saying, “How about going to FSC (Family Service Centre) and have them come to your house for a visitation instead? They could possibly help your family understand the situation better.”
A few Redditors also pointed out that the mental health issues might be running in the family since her grandmother, mum, and she are all showing similar symptoms.
One Redditor explained, “Just like your grandma. Well, any mental disorders are hereditary, including bipolar disorder, which is what this sounds like. So there’s that.”
Another added, “Acknowledging that you do not want to be like her is already a good thing, and sometimes subconscious behavior will seep through. Do not blame yourself for the environment you have grown up in.
“Even if your dad agrees to bring her for counseling, it is unlikely she would be willing to go. If she’s narcissistic, she will likely put on a different front with the doctors anyway.”
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