SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man confessed online that his wife is unwilling to share the responsibilities and effort required to make their marriage work.
In a post on r/SingaporeRaw, the man explained that he and his wife agreed before their engagement that they would focus on their careers to build a comfortable life together. Unfortunately, this plan fell apart when his wife quit her job in 2020.
“She did not like working for her boss and did not like the long hours which were affecting her mental health,” he wrote.
At that time, he wholeheartedly supported her decision, agreeing to cover the entire mortgage payment using his CPF savings while she took a break from work to focus on her recovery.
He believed this arrangement would give her the time and space to heal and eventually return to her career. However, things didn’t turn out as he hoped. To this day, his wife remains unemployed.
“It feels as though my wife wanted to live like a traditional homemaker even though I have repeatedly told her to try upskilling herself or even go to networking events to try to get an entry-level role since at least they would have something basic like MEDICAL benefits which she doesn’t even have now,” he said.
“She still portrays the image to her entire family/friends and mine that she is juggling a full-time job and a part-time job in event planning on the side,” he added.
When they finally talked about their future, he was floored when she insisted that he couldn’t quit his job—even if he were miserable—because he has to keep supporting her while she “manages” the household.
Given their current living situation, this demand struck him as illogical: the household consisted only of the two of them, and they had already employed a part-time cleaner who visited every two weeks.
When he asked her about it, she said her version of managing the household meant cooking once a month and topping up soap and toilet paper when they ran out of supplies.
“I highlighted to her that if we had a family and she was busy taking care of the children while I had to work, this would be entirely different,” he continued.
“She has previously told me how much she doesn’t want children before but with me she has agreed to compromise and have one child first and see how it goes.
I told her that financially, it is almost impossible for us to even think about children when I am becoming a sole-breadwinner if nothing changes on her end,” he added.
Despite his love for his wife, the man admitted that he is now hesitant to have children with her, fearing that he might end up shouldering all the financial burden alone.
“I am not sure what to do in this case,” he expressed. “Has anyone gone through anything similar or found a way to figure out what to do in this situation?” he asked netizens for a possible solution.
“Start preparing for divorce because things cannot continue this way.”
In the discussion thread, many urged him to reconsider their marriage, seeing as his wife wasn’t holding up her end of the deal and wasn’t making any real effort to fix things.
One individual said, “This is a very good example of what happens when Sinkie males just keep going along with things because they are scared of being single.
It becomes unsustainable because you have enabled this behavior more and more until it’s become like this. Objectively you have not even mentioned any of her contributions. I know you know what the answer is here, as painful as it is.”
Another added, “Wow she’s not working since 2020? Is she even trying to get employed?! Being unemployed for so long and still being able to survive on just your salary is quite a feat but it won’t last long.
Wah her definition of ‘in charge of the household’ very far cry leh, cook only once a month when she has no job? I work FT and I cook 3-4 times a week sia on average.”
A third individual commented, “Start preparing for divorce because things cannot continue this way and she seems to not care at all.” On the other hand, some people suggested that the man consider marriage counselling or encourage his wife to seek professional help.
They speculated that his wife might be grappling with deep-seated issues like feelings of uselessness or a diminished sense of dignity, which could affect her motivation.
One individual said, “I think that maybe your wife may be discouraged/depressed by the fact that she hasn’t been able to find full-time employment (that she likes).
It would take a toll on her self-worth, especially since we Singaporeans tend to judge people’s value by the income and prestige of their careers.
On the bright side, at least she’s still trying to earn her own income. I know of folks who give up in such a situation and just become NEETs (not in employment, education or training).”
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