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‘We wish to have a space of our own, but we are in no possible position to be able to afford or even try for a BTO’: How do couples manage living with their in-laws?
SINGAPORE: “Couples living together with in-laws, how do you manage?” This was the question a woman raised on an online forum, sharing her sentiments over having to stay with her family as she and her partner cannot yet afford to get their own place.
“In my experience and point of view, it seems uncommon for couples to be able to move in together into a space of their own either before or after marriage, especially in Singapore,” the woman shared. “And I’m sure most people would want to live with their partner after being in a committed relationship for so long.
“My partner and I have been together for five years, and he stays over at my place a lot of the time and goes back to his place sometimes, too, so there’s a balance, but he mostly is with me in my home. My household has gotten quite big. My younger brothers moved in, as well as my mom’s boyfriend. I have a maid and a younger sister [as well].
“Recently we realised that personal space has been an issue. One example could be, the kitchen would not be in use the entire day … but the moment we step into the kitchen, somehow the entire household decides to go to the kitchen at the same time. My partner has a good relationship with my family, and so do I, but personal space is a big thing for us, so we tend to get frustrated. It’s not the most ideal situation, though it’s definitely a big privilege to have my family so accepting of having my partner around.”
She also shared that despite wanting to move into a place of their own, they are not in a financial position to do so just yet. “We wish to have a space of our own, but we are in no possible position to be able to afford or even try for a BTO,” she said. “We are still in our early 20s figuring life out, and we just cannot apply for BTO even if we wanted to, so finding our own space is out of the question for the time being until we have everything settled in our lives. But for those couples who have also dealt with the same, how do you guys cope co-living with in-laws? Does it get frustrating? Do you feel like sometimes it can strain your relationship with either your partner or in-laws?”
According to Move Therapy and Wellness, there are several ways that people can successfully live together with the family of their partner. While establishing clear boundaries and having open communication is crucial, it is also important to have a healthy sense of space, as self-care helps to manage stress and foster a sense of balance. It is also a good idea to keep your relationship separate from issues with your in-laws.
A handful of online users responded to the post to share their experiences. “Don’t do it if you’re considering a permanent arrangement. If it’s temporary, you might be able to ride it out,” said one. “I’m speaking from experience. My in-laws absolutely loved me and sold their house to move in with me. It ended with me asking them to [leave]. You can never predict how the dynamics will change once you get married. When you have a kid, it gets 10 times worse.
“Everyone has something they cannot compromise on, and if it clashes, the whole situation becomes unsalvageable and bridges will be burnt. You being in the middle, will have to choose between either party. Some people get lucky, but most don’t. So you have to ask yourself, are you willing to roll the dice on this?”
