SINGAPORE: A 20-year-old Singaporean who recently moved to the UK for university was surprised by how openly affectionate Britons are with their parents.
In her post on r/askSingapore, she said she noticed that people there frequently expressed their love verbally, something she had rarely experienced growing up in Singapore.
“They always say ‘I love you’ and so on,” she wrote on the forum. “I then started thinking about it and realised I don’t ever remember an instance where my parents apologised for something they did or said I love you verbally. Though, to be fair, they do send those bear-hugging-a-heart stickers and whatnot, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever said it to them either.”
She also admitted that saying such things felt “awkward,” almost like the thought of it gave her “goosebumps.”
Curious about whether this was a personal quirk or a cultural norm, she asked fellow Singaporeans, “Do your Singaporean parents ever apologise or say “I love you” to you? Am I just a crazy weirdo, or is this something other Singaporeans experience too, possibly cultural?
“It’s not that they don’t love me (LOL). They’ve put in huge amounts of money to support me growing up, tuition, extracurriculars, going overseas for trips, university tuition, etc.”
In an update to her post, the Singaporean shared that after seeing how Britons spend time with their families, she wished she had done the same while growing up.
“I sometimes wish I had more family bonding time when I was a kid. Seeing all the families go to the park and walk around when it’s sunny out in the UK is so nice, with their dogs running around off-leash, going into the river holding a twig in their mouth, the kids kicking a soccer ball around, picnics on the grass etc. I had ballet, swimming, taekwondo, and abacus classes instead, LOL. But I guess I’m still grateful for that,” she wrote.
“The greatest love was never what they said but what they did for you…”
In the comments, many Singaporeans shared that saying “I love you” was not common in their families either. They mentioned that instead of expressing affection through words, their parents showed love in other ways, such as buying their favourite food, ensuring they got home safely, or reminding them to take care of their health.
One added, “For us if your parents ask if you have eaten or if you want to eat, that’s equivalent to I love you. Treasure your parents!”
Another remarked, “The greatest love was never what they said, but what they did for you, parents or partner. Not all are good at verbalising such sentences.”
Despite this, many said they are determined to do things differently. One commented, “I’ve decided that if I have kids one day, I’ll definitely want to be more expressive and affectionate with them. It’s a two-way street, and I think it teaches them important communication skills, too.”
Another shared, “I tell my daughter I love her every night, and I say ‘sorry’ if I am wrong. My daughter is 14 —only 6 years younger than you.”
A third wrote, “I tell them ‘I love you’ every day. Then they’ll reply with ‘I love you too’. Just randomly start doing it. It’ll be awkward at first, but if you do it every day, it’ll become natural soon after.”
Verbal expressions of love are rare in Singaporean families
In a society where actions often speak louder than words, expressing affection verbally remains a challenge for many Singaporeans. The phrase “I love you” is not often heard, even within families, where unspoken forms of love, such as serving food or running errands, are more common.
This unvoiced love can feel out of sync with the more emotionally expressive media that Singaporeans consume, leaving many wondering whether there’s a disconnect between what people truly desire and what they feel comfortable saying.
Read more: The quiet struggle of expressing love among Singaporeans and why saying ‘I love you’ matters
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)