SINGAPORE: A 31-year-old manager took to social media on Thursday (Oct 3) to ask Singaporean Redditors for advice on how to handle the guilt of making unpopular decisions at work.
In her post on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, she shared that although she has been in a management role for about three years, she continues to find it challenging to manage her emotions, particularly when it comes to making tough calls that may not sit well with her team.
“My staff are mostly about my age which makes it quite awkward when I need to do appraisal sometimes,” she explained, “Just wondering if there are people in the same boat or anyone could give some advice on how to handle these emotions of ‘feeling bad’ because of our positions. Singaporeans in managerial roles – are you a people pleaser?”
“Business and personal lives don’t mix. You have to separate yourself.”
In the discussion thread, many Singaporean Redditors reminded the manager that true leadership isn’t about being the most popular person or trying to keep everyone happy; it’s about getting results and motivating her team to do their best.
They explained that being a people pleaser might feel good in the short term, but in the long run, it would only lead to burnout and a lack of respect from her team. By focusing on being an effective leader, she could build a stronger team, achieve better results, and ultimately, earn the respect and admiration of those she led.
One Redditor said, “As a leader, your main job is to help your team and the company succeed—not just to be the nice boss. Think about it: if you were in your team members shoes, would you, at this relatively early juncture of your career, rather have a boss who’s friendly but doesn’t help you grow, or a tough but fair leader who pushes you to reach your potential?”
Another commented, “Business and personal lives don’t mix. You have to separate yourself. They’re not your friends but your colleagues.”
A third individual expressed, “You don’t need to people please them to win them. When my staff are under fire, I stick my head out for them. They’re my responsibility. Period.
Meanwhile, several Redditors offered practical tips on how to handle annual appraisals.
One Redditor suggested, “Maybe you can have informal appraisals or pit stop review quarterly to take stock with your staff of what they have done? Did they do enough work for a good appraisal at the end? Then make changes with individual staff early. So you don’t have to feel bad when the actual appraisals happen.”
Another explained, “It is ultimately about clear accountabilities, targets and being transparent with your team / individual very early.
Once you establish this during the appraisal or the start of the year, you won’t face this issue because it is just about facts. e.g have you met this target? was this achieved? I had to learn this the hard way myself as I was similar to you in the past.”
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