SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit to express her concerns about her mother-in-law still depending on her son for financial support, even though she retired five years ago.
In her post on r/askSingapore, she mentioned that her mother-in-law opted for an early retirement at 55 and is now turning 60.
The daughter-in-law and her husband initially advised the elderly woman against early retirement. They worried that “inflation would erode her savings” and make it financially difficult for her.
However, her mother-in-law went ahead with her retirement plans despite their advice. Five years later, their fears seem to be coming true, as her mother-in-law continues to rely on her son for financial assistance.
She said, “My husband has been giving her $1K/mth but I fail to see how we can sustain that when we retire. We’re in our 40s. She’s living her best life right now going on trips to nearby countries 2-3 times a year. She has her own HDB fully paid off.”
Although her mother-in-law is not extravagant, the woman admitted that she sometimes feels resentful that her mother-in-law collects $1,000 each month without guilt.
“My husband works very hard sometimes at the expense of his health. She has no health insurance plan in sg. She thinks she can rely on her pension payout but we told her the national pension of the place she’s from may collapse in her lifetime.”
The woman pondered whether they were obligated to care for her mother-in-law in old age, especially considering they had warned her about the consequences of her choices.
She then asked the local online community, “Are we obliged to provide for our parents/in-laws retirement if they themselves decided to retire early?”
“Your husband spent the parents’ money without any guilt growing up. So please don’t be so selfish.”
In the discussion thread, the Singaporean Redditors showed little sympathy for the woman and instead defended the mother-in-law.
Many questioned why the mother-in-law should “feel guilty” about accepting financial support from her son, noting that it shouldn’t be seen as a burden if he willingly gives her a monthly stipend.
One Redditor asked, “Did his mum ask for 1k despite your husband’s refusal and keep asking for more, or is it just you being annoyed that your husband is giving his mum 1k?”
Another commented, “Your husband spent his parents’ money without any guilt growing up. So please don’t be so selfish. And yes, your husband has to look after her in her old age. Failing to do so is inhumane.”
Several Redditors also mentioned that the mother-in-law deserved to go on trips and enjoy herself since she worked hard her whole life.
They also urged the woman to converse with her husband or mother-in-law instead of seeking opinions or validation from online forums.
Still, a few expressed that they understood where the woman was coming from.
One Redditor agreed that giving a monthly stipend of S$1,000 is costly. Considering the average lifespan for women in Singapore is 85 years. She said her husband would have to shell out S$300,000 in 25 years.
She added, “You’re not obligated to provide for anyone’s retirement, period. The problem here is your husband enabling her behaviour.
If you are concerned about this, have your husband deposit the money into a separate account earmarked for her but inaccessible by her.
You can draw from this account later when her money runs out, and she agrees to be more frugal in her spending.”
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