Christmas and New Year celebrations bring families and friends together, offering joy, togetherness, and cheer. However, for many individuals and couples, the holiday season can also bring unexpected challenges—stress, financial strain, and the pressure to meet social expectations.
The latest MoneySmart study reveals that one in four Singaporeans experience relationship breakdowns due to financial conflicts. These elements combine to create a perfect storm that can strain relationships significantly, pushing couples to their breaking point.
The financial burden of the holidays
One of the most significant sources of stress during the holiday season in Singapore is the financial pressure associated with Christmas and New Year celebrations. The cost of gifts, festive meals, travel, and social obligations can quickly add up.
A 2021 survey by the National Alliance on Mental Illness in the US that was published by The Straits Times found that 60% of Americans feel their mental health is negatively affected by the holidays. Societal pressures, grief, and unrealistic expectations can trigger the holiday blues.
While Singaporeans may be accustomed to lavish holiday displays and high-end shopping experiences, the reality is that these expenses often place an enormous strain on household budgets.
Couples may feel compelled to overspend to meet the demands of family gatherings, office parties, or even the expectation of gift-giving.
The pressure to buy the perfect gift, host extravagant dinners, or go on expensive vacations can leave individuals feeling financially stretched. For those already dealing with financial instability, this season can amplify feelings of anxiety, guilt, and inadequacy.
When financial stress enters the picture, it’s not just about the money itself—it’s the tension it creates within a relationship.
Research has shown that money issues are a leading cause of relationship conflict. In Singapore, where the cost of living is high and expectations surrounding social status are prevalent, couples often find themselves arguing over finances during the holidays.
Whether it’s disagreements about spending priorities, hidden debts, or the guilt of being unable to provide the “perfect” celebration, financial strain can erode trust and communication, creating a sense of disconnection.
The pressure to “do it all”
The holiday season is not only a time for celebration but also a time for over-commitment. There’s the pressure to attend multiple social gatherings, entertain relatives, and show appreciation through material gestures.
In Singapore, where appearances and social status are often emphasized, the desire to “keep up with the Joneses” can lead to intense competition—whether it’s about decorating the home or impressing friends with luxurious gifts.
For couples, these pressures can be overwhelming. The expectation to balance family obligations, professional demands, and personal desires leaves little room for relaxation or quality time together.
This hectic pace and financial strain can trigger emotional exhaustion, increasing the likelihood of stress-induced conflict.
The feeling of “doing it all” can be particularly harmful when one partner feels they are carrying the bulk of the load. In these situations, resentment can build up, leading to unspoken frustrations that eventually surface as arguments or coldness.
Couples may find themselves focusing on logistical details—shopping lists, gift wrapping, meal planning—rather than connecting emotionally.
The emotional toll of the holidays
The emotional toll of the holiday season can be just as taxing as the financial one. Many individuals experience heightened feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or even sadness during the festive season.
For those who are estranged from family members or dealing with personal loss, the holidays can amplify these feelings, creating an emotional chasm within relationships.
For couples, the pressure to be happy, joyful, and present for the festivities can feel like an added burden. This emotional expectation often contrasts sharply with the reality of personal struggles, work stress, and the desire for quiet moments.
As individuals try to keep up appearances, they may suppress their true feelings, leading to feelings of isolation within the relationship. The holiday season’s emphasis on joy and celebration can become a constant reminder of what is missing or wrong, intensifying the emotional disconnect between partners.
The perfect storm
When financial strain, emotional exhaustion, and social pressure collide, they create a perfect storm for relationship strain. Couples may be caught in a cycle of arguments, stress, and dissatisfaction that seems to last throughout the season.
The illusion that the holidays should be the happiest time of the year can make the pressure to “make it work” feel even greater, leading to more disappointments when things don’t go as planned.
It’s important to acknowledge that no relationship is immune to stress, but there are ways couples can manage these pressures during the holiday season. Open and honest communication is key to navigating the challenges of the holidays.
By setting realistic expectations, discussing financial limits, and finding creative ways to celebrate together, couples can avoid the pitfalls of overspending and overcommitting.
Tips for protecting relationship health during the holidays
Set a holiday budget
Sit down with your partner to agree on a budget. Be realistic about what you can afford and avoid succumbing to pressure to spend beyond your means. Consider simplifying your celebrations or finding alternative ways to enjoy the season.
Communicate about expectations
Discuss the holiday season openly with your partner. What do you both need to feel supported and connected? Setting boundaries, whether it’s about social commitments or time for each other, can help prevent resentment.
Create new traditions
If traditional holiday celebrations are adding stress, think outside the box. Perhaps a quiet evening at home, a potluck dinner with friends, or volunteering together might be more meaningful and stress-free than large family gatherings. New traditions can take the pressure off while still fostering connection.
Prioritize self-care
The holidays can feel chaotic, but it’s crucial to make time for self-care. Whether taking a walk, enjoying a hobby, or practising mindfulness, make sure to carve out moments to recharge. A balanced individual is more likely to bring their best self into their relationship.
Focus on emotional connection
Above all, remember that the holidays are about shared experiences. While material gifts and lavish celebrations may be nice, they should never overshadow the emotional connection you share with your partner.
An article published by Channel News Asia quoted Dr. Ong Mianli, a principal clinical psychologist at Lightfull Psychology, who said, “The issue occurs when we associate a connection with particular actions or events, like a large family dinner or a party.”
“We fall into the ‘expectation trap,’ where we begin to link the form of connection to its value, creating unnecessary pressure when our reality doesn’t align with our expectations.”
Holidays: Not about perfection
The holidays are not about perfection—they are about the people we care about and the moments we share. By prioritizing these connections, we can weather the triple threat of money, stress, and the holiday season together.