SINGAPORE: A man took to social media to express his confusion over his fiancée’s sudden decision to abstain from physical intimacy until they were married. He then asked others, “Is this acceptable?”
“She wants to be celibate to get closer to God, I’m not nearly as into God as she is. She does lots of other things that the Bible says not to do, I don’t understand why this one has to be followed,” the man shared on an online forum on Monday (March 11).
Adding context, the man disclosed that they have been in a relationship for four years, engaged for two, and currently cohabitated.
He also said that they’ve been physically intimate since they started dating and that she has “more experience” than him, even having a child from a previous relationship.
“I don’t want to leave her but this has really pushed me away from her, to the point where I don’t even really want to sleep in the same bed anymore. It feels like I’m living with a friend or roommate now,” the man wrote.
“A combination of having a child, incompatible religious views and inconsistent life behavior would be red flags enough to end it”
Many commenters suggested that he should consider ending their relationship since their conflicting values could lead to significant issues later on.
One individual said, “A combination of having a child, incompatible religious views and inconsistent life behaviour would be red flags enough to end it. Marriage doesn’t solve problems but it doesn’t make it more costly to end it.”
While another added, “I think you’re missing the larger issue here. She wants to be “closer to God” but you are not into God. This could become a serious issue as some things that come with religion can be very grating and annoying for someone that isn’t very religious.
I think it’s seriously time to have a talk about your values and where you both expect this marriage to be in the future. Bear in mind, if you guys have children, the issue of religion can be a very contentious one.”
On the other hand, some speculated that his fiancée’s actions might be a response to their lengthy engagement, suggesting that she might be taking measures to prompt him into setting a wedding date.
One individual commented, “It could be a way of getting you to hurry up and actually marry her. You’ve been engaged for a long time. Maybe without this push, the wedding day will never come.”
Another individual who was raised in a very religious environment also defended the fiancée, saying that her sister also did this six months before the marriage.
She explained, “It was simply that all the awful guilt we were raised to have crammed down our throats reared its ugly head, and she started getting panicky that she had been sinning all this time, and maybe this was something she could do to alleviate that in God’s eyes.”
In another related case, a man took to social media earlier this year after he noticed that his girlfriend had suddenly changed and was becoming increasingly irritable and argumentative.
“I am really clueless as to what I should do and we are at the stage that I should be proposing soon, and I need advice as to why she is she behaving this way.
I have been together with my girlfriend (27F) for more than 4 years, and we are waiting for our BTO flat in 1.5 years time. Recently, she has become easily irritated and extremely argumentative,” the man wrote.
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