SINGAPORE: An online user took to social media on Monday (March 31) to vent about his spouse of 10 years being what he described as an emotional toddler.
“Is it just me, or are some adults still emotional toddlers in relationships? Am I the problem here?” he asked. Although the post has since been deleted, people’s comments are still visible. Many took to the post’s comments section to discuss emotional maturity in relationships and shared their insights on the matter.
“You can’t expect a partner to respond how you’d like them to respond,” said one. “What you can do is expect a partner to be respectful and hear you out. But those aren’t the same things. The best you can do is communicate why certain behaviours make you feel a certain way. If they acknowledge it, demonstrate that they don’t intend to hurt you and will try better; that’s all you can do. But you two must figure out how to do that – you can’t force your ideas on them. A big part of marriage is accepting your partner’s quirks and being okay with them.”
The writer shared an update in the comments section, which is also still visible. He thanked the people who took the time to share their insights and admitted that he saw how his original post might have come across as one-sided. “I absolutely have my own flaws, too, and am not looking to dump blame on my partner,” he shared. “One of my biggest struggles is managing my stress, especially in emotionally charged moments. I can get easily baited when I feel cornered, and sometimes, I respond with more emotion or intensity than I intend. I’m working on this in therapy and trying to stay calm and grounded when things escalate.
“For example, if they forget something important—like leaving the front door unlocked overnight—I might bring it up calmly at first. But if they deflect or brush it off, I can end up snapping or getting sarcastic, which I know doesn’t help. What’s harder is that somehow, instead of the issue staying focused on the door, it turns into something about me—that I overreact, that I’m a bad parent, or that I always blow things out of proportion. I then spend hours overthinking.”
He then went on to clarify that his intention was not to paint his partner as a villain. “I’m just tired and trying to figure out how people navigate relationships with this kind of emotional imbalance—where one person seems to be doing the work, and the other keeps dodging the hard parts. My end goal is for both of us to grow with the family. And yes, of course, couples counselling works if both parties are able to see the problem and want to fix it together.”
According to Psychology Today, it can be challenging to feel intimate with a partner who acts like a child. However, there are several ways to address such an issue, such as making your request known by asking your partner to stop with the childish behaviour. It is also important for couples to remember that it is not their role to parent each other. Partners who are immature must not be enabled.
Couples would also do well to remember that a healthy intimate relationship entails both partners acknowledging the need to be mature and responsible, stepping up to support each other, accepting each other’s support, and keeping their emotions under control while still expressing themselves.
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Featured photo by Depositphotos/ voronaman (for illustration purposes only)