SINGAPORE: A foreign woman in a long-distance relationship with her Singaporean boyfriend turned to other Singaporeans in an online forum for some relationship advice, asking how she could support her partner as he has been dealing with a lot of work stress lately.
“Recently he has been very stressed due to work and every time I tell him he needs to prioritise himself he just tells me that’s how it is and he helps his colleagues out with their work too and needs to do a lot of stuff for his job,” the woman wrote on Tuesday (Feb 20).
The woman then wondered if such a mindset is the norm in Singapore. “He is extremely independent so isn’t used to having to listen to someone either but is that really what work culture is like in Singapore?” she asked.
“He will do overtime often and be exhausted every day once he is home. It has been really bad in the past two weeks and before that, he was burnt out from work too. Do you have any advice on how I can support him through this?”
A few online users were quite helpful and shared some insights on Singaporean culture and mentality and suggested some ways that she might be able to support her boyfriend.
“There is sometimes nothing you can do but try to get it through his thick skull that working himself to his bones isn’t helping anyone.
Us Singaporeans tend to work hard without realising why;” said one, “doing OT, taking on more responsibilities without questioning or simply accepting that this is what we have to do.
He might not be good at listening to advice, but maybe one thing you can try to do is to talk to him about your relationship and plant a seed of thought to have a better work-life balance. Don’t make him feel bad for working hard but try to make him wish for an easy life.
Part of him also thinks very deeply that he has to work hard to provide a future and be the breadwinner. Also maybe be more straightforward with your concern, don’t tell him what to do, tell him, ‘The way you work worried me, and that ‘I don’t want anything to happen to you.'”
The writer responded by saying, “Thank you for your comment! I did let him know of my concerns and told him too that if overworking is going to be a priority for him then I’m going to need to step back from our relationship because I don’t want to watch him work himself to the ground.
He said that he is trying and this is all new for him so hopefully I can see he is trying his best. I think due to my insecurities I took this as an excuse that he just doesn’t want to speak to me or share his burdens with me but apparently, this is an issue a lot of Singaporeans face?”
Still, another commented, “Not uncommon in Singapore. If you tried the ‘it’s hurting you’ approach and it didn’t work, you can try the ‘it’s hurting us.’
It’s not easy to do a SG-UK long-distance relationship and if he is too busy at work and too tired, there is not much time and effort left for the relationship.
It is not fun being the mistress when the first love appears to be work. Since you have already tried telling him to slow down for his own sake and it didn’t work, you may need to try this.”
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