SINGAPORE: A soon-to-be bride recently shared on social media that she is having a hard time proceeding with the wedding plans because the groom’s parents are throwing a huge fit over the guest list.
In a post on r/askSingapore, she shared that she and her partner opted for a small, intimate wedding, inviting only their closest friends and immediate family who have been supportive of their relationship. They’ve already booked a beautiful venue for 20 guests and finalized their guest list.
However, the groom’s parents are now causing a major uproar. “He informed his parents and now they’re throwing big tantrums saying that they aren’t going to come anymore because we are “secretly” getting married because all his relatives won’t know, and we are rude for not giving them tables to pick their own guests,” she wrote.
“Big big problem because we have already added the dad as the solemnisation witness (he wanted to be added), any chance of changing it now? and is it better to suck up and spend another 20k to upscale or is it feasible to say just don’t come.”
Her partner has also tried talking to his parents about this issue, but to no avail. “His parents will just storm off and refuse to talk to him when he brings up any little thing that doesn’t suit what they want,” she noted.
Adding to their stress, the groom’s parents have not offered any financial assistance for the extra tables, meaning the couple would be responsible for the entire additional cost if they choose to make changes.
“Just afraid that giving in now just validates the fact that everything we want we will give in, which is not the tone I want to set for the future.”
“Chinese weddings are never for the couple, but for the parents.”
In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors advised the bride to stick to her original plan for a small wedding and not to give in to the groom’s parents’ demands.
One Redditor said, “Typical Asian wedding problem. Never take your Asian parents at their word….Remember, Chinese weddings are never for the couple, but for the parents. If upsizing is not ideal or worth sacrificing for, I will suggest you just proceed with your existing plans and just ignore the parents’ feelings, take the gamble that this will eventually improve.”
Another Redditor echoed this sentiment, saying, “Do your own “close wedding” as planned. It’s your day and how you want your marriage to be. There’s probably something special in the both of you to want it this way and that’s the thing that connects you two. So don’t throw that away.”
A third Redditor commented, “Don’t give in. If you don’t set your boundaries at the start it’s going to be a never-ending power struggle.”
A few also suggested that, as a compromise, the bride and her partner could host a casual sit-down dinner at a Chinese restaurant where the groom’s parents and other relatives can gather and celebrate for their upcoming wedding.
This way, they could ease any hard feelings and avoid starting their marriage on a sour note. Although it would require spending more money than initially planned, the idea is that addressing this issue could be worth it to prevent any resentment from the in-laws, which could impact their relationship for years to come.
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