SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman took to social media on Monday (Sept 9) to share that she has grown weary of financially supporting her parents for the past four years.
In an anonymous post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she said that she has been the sole breadwinner for her family since 2020, during her third year at NUS.
Her mum had a mental health illness, which forced her to quit her job, and her dad also chose to leave his job as an Operator to stay at home and care for her.
Faced with no other option, the woman balanced her studies with part-time work to keep the family afloat. After she graduated in 2022, their financial situation pushed her to start working just a week later.
She also felt misaligned with her first job but had to stay because the S$4.4K pay was relatively good for someone with her degree. “I have been giving my parents 1.1k ever since I started working each month, which they requested,” she said.
Besides this allowance, she also pays for their insurance fees, leaving her with almost nothing. “I don’t dare to be in relationships because I feel I have nothing to give,” she added.
Although her dad took on some ad-hoc jobs that earned $50 to $100 per month when her mum’s condition improved, he soon stopped working.
When she subtly hinted that they should at least work part-time or start volunteering, her dad told her, “Do you want me to work until I die?” and “Once we’re dead, we won’t have to do this anymore,” which made her feel guilty.
“Part of me secretly hopes that they can at least go to work part-time or volunteer to make the best of life, but I know it’s unfilial for me to force them to do so,” she wrote.
Over the last two years, whenever she came home, she saw her parents “lying on the sofa,” playing on their phones. They also take trips to Johor Bahru every two weeks to enjoy their lives.
“They are both increasing in weight while I am decreasing,” she said.
On a positive note, she acknowledged that her parents keep the house clean and orderly. Her relatives have also praised her for being a “good daughter” financially supporting her family, which adds some recognition to her efforts.
However, despite the praise, she admitted that she now seems to be reaching her breaking point.
“I feel very tired, and my soul is very drained. I feel quite resentful and angry on the inside. There were times when I wanted to run away. Why am I the only one working? This is unlike other family households where more than one person works,” she lamented.
“I also don’t have siblings, and my parents don’t have much savings. I don’t know how long I can cope with this. It’s a mixture of unhappy feelings,” she ended her post.
“Prioritise yourself, please. Start building your savings.”
In the comments section of her post, netizens strongly advised her to ‘start building boundaries and prioritizing herself.’ They explained that setting clear limits on how much she could give financially and emotionally is crucial for her well-being.
One netizen said, “Prioritise yourself, please. Start building your savings. Cut the allowance for your parents if need be, just give them based on what you can afford. If they need money, they should earn themselves if they are able-bodied and not at retirement age.”
Another commented, “Boundaries are important. You need to work out some things with your parents, especially your dad, as it is not fair to you to be the sole breadwinner, and he can still work while you are draining your ability to save anything for your future.”
Moreover, a few also mentioned that implementing these changes could relieve her from this burden, improve her mental health and benefit her parents since this will get them out of their slump and motivate them to find work.
However, not everyone agreed with this approach. Some netizens felt that drastically reducing financial support might be too harsh, given the current circumstances of her parents.
One netizen argued, “You’re what you are today because of your family. Thanks or no thanks to them. At least your next-gen will be better.”
Another said, “Don’t listen to those who said about giving less or so; you continue to do what you have given, it is a blessing that you can provide for your family; you don’t want to live in guilt too if you provide too little and see them struggling outside as well.”
Featured image by Depositphotos