SINGAPORE: A local Reddit user asked others on the platform to weigh in on whether she’s being oversensitive with her mum, whom she overheard saying that people “probably don’t want to make friends” with the author because of her dark skin.
In a r/askSingapore post on Mar 22, she began by saying that because of her dark skin, she looked different from the rest of the members of her Chinese family, and some distant relatives even mistook her for a maid. She added that aunties and uncles in wet markets shouted at her when they thought she wasn’t helping her mum carry groceries.
Her family would shrug this off and tell her she was being oversensitive, and usually, she doesn’t mind, although it’s hard that they’re not very empathetic toward her.
When she overheard her mum telling her grandfather that her dark complexion is why she doesn’t have friends, this was more hurtful, especially since her mum had met her friends. When she tried to talk to her, her mum told her again that she was “too sensitive.”
“When I realized that even my mum does not defend me, my heart shattered. Because the family has always been important to me, but the way I always feel devalued around them shatters me,” she added, wishing that she could be as “confident and outgoing and happy” with her family as she is with her colleagues and friends with whom she feels valued.
“No one has ever made me feel bad about my skin colour when I am with my friends or colleagues… They would never make comments about my skin colour, which obviously, in this century, who would? Yeah, my family.”
Many kind commenters on her post validated her feelings, showing her empathy for the way she’s treated in her family.
“You’re not being ‘too sensitive.’ Wanting your mom to defend you and show you love isn’t some crazy, unreasonable thing. It’s a basic expectation, and it sucks that she not only brushes it off but actually adds to the hurt with her own comments. That’s not okay,” was one much-upvoted comment.
Another suggested something that the post author could tell her mum, “Why are you picking on my dark skin when you are the one who gave it to me?”
One lamented that this is an issue common in many parts of Asia, especially in East Asian countries.
Others urged her to spend more time with her friends, telling her that “blood is not thicker than water.”
“Spend more time with your friends. Know that it is not you. You’re beautiful. Those people with closed minds will miss out on the company that you bring. As you grow older, you will probably naturally spend less and less time with them and more time with people who value you,” one wrote. /TISG
Read also: Poster of dark-skinned cleaner: Singapore Kindness Movement needs to do some “internal reflection”