SINGAPORE: An employee took to an online forum to rant about a stressful situation at work where he feels like a female co-worker perceives him as a threat to her promotion.
Posting on the r/askSingapore forum on Monday (May 5), the employee explained that his co-worker “K” has started becoming “hostile” towards him ever since a rumour started circulating that he’s being groomed for the assistant manager role.
Both of them currently hold a senior lead position, just one rank below the assistant manager role, and he’s observed the tension growing as K has started making occasional jabs at his work quality. On top of that, K has also been going behind his back and asking others about his previous leadership experiences.
“K has not hidden her intentions to become assistant manager (and eventually manager). She’s good-looking, clever, charismatic, and extremely motivated. She’s good at her job, but God forbid if you get in her way because she will tear you down and turn the others against you,” the employee explained.
According to the post, K has been with the company for only four years but has already received three promotions, which is considered extremely rare in their workplace.
Moreover, the employee also opened up about feeling uneasy about K’s tactics when it comes to office politics. “As I was once her senior (I’ve been here longer than four years), I have seen her play politics against others, and it honestly frightens me. She’s good at wrapping the male managers and senior colleagues around her little finger.”
Despite all this, the employee clarified in his post that he had no desire to get the assistant manager role.
“[It] is something I do not want. I have tried out leading two teams, and the experience was so stressful I told my direct manager I am happy to stay as senior lead forever,” he said. “I just want to do my work. Work 9 to 5. Then, go home and not stress about managerial nonsense.”
He ended his post by asking for advice on whether being upfront could possibly defuse the tension. “Should I just tell her to her face that I don’t want to play this game? How do I convey to my colleague that I am not a threat to her promotion and that I do not want to engage in (office) politics?”
“Just do your own thing properly and go home.”
The employee’s post sparked a wave of responses from fellow Redditors, many of whom empathised with his situation and offered advice on how to deal with the tension.
Some encouraged him to speak directly to K in a calm and professional manner, suggesting that transparency might help clear up any misunderstanding.
One advised, “Bring her out for a coffee 1:1 with the pretext of trying to know her better. Share your experiences and your disinterest in promotion, and praise her for the good qualities you saw in her.
Be vocal about praising/thanking her publicly (but don’t be fake about this!). In private, subtly elevate her to your manager/peers—word would eventually slip to her that you are supporting her. When she jabs at your mistakes, thank her for her feedback with a smile and acknowledge that you can do better.”
Others, however, warned that confronting someone who thrives on office politics could backfire, especially if that person is already seen as influential by higher-ups.
One said, “With people like these, it doesn’t matter if you tell her face-to-face that you aren’t interested. She will just think that you are just pretending. Just do your own thing properly and go home; there’s no point engaging so much.”
There were also those who advised him to keep his guard up and document any instances of inappropriate behaviour, just in case things escalate.
One commented, “Document everything. Your work process. Your final work. Whatever work, la, all must document. You may never need it, but it’s better to protect yourself. These people can be a bit… Obsessive. If she has perceived you as a threat, there’s nothing you can do to convince her otherwise.”
How to handle a co-worker who sees you as a threat
Navigating workplace dynamics can be tricky, especially when a colleague sees you as competition.
According to Julian Lewis, writer for ZellaLife, if you’re facing tension because a co-worker thinks you’re a threat to their promotion, it’s important to respond with grace, clarity, and strategy.
First and foremost, always maintain professionalism. Don’t stoop to negativity; let your work speak for itself. If you feel safe doing so, consider addressing the issue directly with the co-worker using non-confrontational “I” statements to express how their behaviour affects you. For example, you could begin your statements with “I feel like…” or “I noticed…”
At the same time, Lewis suggests keeping a record of any concerning incidents, as this may be useful if you need to escalate the matter. He also recommends seeking guidance from someone you trust, such as a mentor, another co-worker, or a senior colleague who can offer a fresh perspective.
Most importantly, look after yourself. Stress from toxic dynamics can wear you down, so prioritise self-care and reach out for professional support if things become overwhelming.