SINGAPORE: With S$10K saved up, a plan to find a bedroom to rent, and a job working in retail as soon as possible, a 25-year-old Singaporean man took to social media to share his reasons for considering a move out of his family home. He also shared that he is contemplating cutting off his toxic family.
“I am a 25-year-old male who has ADHD and wants to move out and cut ties with my family.” This was the opening statement the man wrote in a post which he published in a forum on Tuesday (March 11). “My parents are very controlling of me to the point where they want to micromanage what I wear, how I look, what I eat, where I go, what I do, etc. They scold me for things I have no control over, such as my memory issues or my inability to focus. They keep saying I’m lazy and that it’s just a matter of mindset when it’s very much not because of my ADHD.”
He then went on to claim that despite his interest in working on himself, his parents dismissed him. “I want to improve and have asked if I can take up a part-time job or do volunteer work to improve myself, but I was shut down multiple times. They want to force me into learning courses I’m not interested in and find a job I know I cannot cope with due to ADHD. It’s very frustrating and I cannot tahan anymore. I was told before if I was unhappy, I always had the option to leave. And that is what I am considering at the moment. I really, really don’t want to leave, but I feel I might one day need to resort to just cutting ties and leaving.”
The poly graduate with a diploma said he has finished his NS and has approximately S$10k in savings. He then turned to Singaporeans to give him feedback on his plan, asking if it was practical. “My plan at the moment is to find a bedroom in an HDB to rent for roughly around $1,000 and find a job working in retail for hopefully around $2,000,” he wrote. “I’m not looking to make it big or anything. I just want to leave and be able to survive on my own. Once I’m stable, I’ll maybe think about pursuing my dream job. Does this seem feasible for a person like me or totally cannot?”
In a show of support, a number of online users left messages of encouragement and advice in the comments. “Well, you’re still young,” said one. “If you really want to do it and have thought things through, I would recommend finding a job first before moving out. Once you know where you’re going to work, you can start looking for a place near your place of work. You should shorten your commute time as much as possible.”
Another urged the writer to have an objective and civil conversation with his parents to see if they could find a way to resolve their issues. “It seems like they have not come to terms with your condition and are also unaware of the challenges you face,” said one. “I suggest you have a proper talk with them about these issues before moving out. A proper talk means both sides sit down and talk face-to-face without being overly emotional, etc. List down the problems you face.”
While managing toxic people can be a stressful endeavour in itself, it can be a lot worse when those toxic people are your immediate family members. According to Psychology Today, there are a few key ways that you can manage toxic parents. While it is important to establish boundaries, it is also important to prioritise self-care. However, one of the most important steps is to realise that the only thing you can control is your own mindset and behaviour.
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Featured image by Depositphotos/ maroke (for illustration purposes only)