SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit to ask if she was in the wrong for not wanting to live with her single mum in Singapore.
In the r/askSingapore subreddit, she shared her dilemma, explaining that after returning to Singapore for the holiday season, her relatives started hinting that she should move back permanently to care for her ageing mum, who is now in her 60s.
“I do feel bad sometimes that she has to live alone at such an age,” she said. “But I did try to fulfil my duties as her daughter, like checking with her frequently and taking her on trips every year.”
The woman expressed how grateful she is for everything her mum and brother did for her after their dad passed away. Despite the tough times, her mum ensured they had a good life, even sending them to enrichment classes and piano lessons.
But despite her gratitude, the woman admitted she’s hesitant to live with her mum because of her controlling nature.
“I always feel like I am not myself around her. For example, she would nitpick everything I do, how I squeeze the toothpaste, how I clean my room, how I cook, all tiny little things. She’s also very negative and likes to criticize others,” she said.
The woman also recounted a hurtful moment from her past when her mother mocked her dream of studying abroad.
“I was trying to peel an apple and cut my hands. She smirked at me and said in a very mocking way, ‘Oh, you can’t even do a simple task like peel an apple, and you want to study abroad,’” she said.
She, however, proved her mum wrong and finally achieved this dream two years ago. “Living abroad has completely changed my life. I’ve never felt so free, so independent, and so happy. Even friends and relatives commented that I glowed up after moving abroad,” she wrote.
As for her brother, who now has a family of his own in Singapore, he made it clear to her that he would not live with their mum due to their clashing personalities. “My brother’s relationship with my mum is even worse than mine, and they get into arguments very easily,” she said.
Feeling trapped between her happiness abroad and her filial obligations, the woman turned to Reddit for advice.
She asked, “Am I a bad daughter for letting my mom live alone now? And even if she’s still able to cook and do everything herself now, I don’t know when she gets much older; what should be the best way to look after her?”
“You decide what’s best for you…”
In the discussion thread, many Singaporean Redditors urged the woman not to sacrifice her newfound freedom and life abroad simply out of guilt or a sense of obligation to care for her mum.
One Redditor said, “It’s your life, career, and ultimately it’s your happiness. it’s up to you whether you can live with that decision. Your brother is equally responsible for taking care of your mom as you do.
I would not bother about what your relatives say. You decide what’s best for you. If that means continuing to live abroad, so be it.”
Others suggested other ways to support her mum without needing to return permanently. One Redditor wrote, “You should probably remote help as much as possible.
Consider just putting aside money to hire a foreign domestic worker and to pay for services as she ages so that you aren’t caught flat-footed.” Another said, “Your bro should step up to do more since he is in sg. Talk to him about having a helper.”
On the other hand, some recommended that she move back to Singapore but find her own place nearby. This way, she could be close enough to check in on her mum, offer support and have her own space and independence.
One Redditor shared, “You don’t want to regret not spending enough time with them when they pass on later. I have a cousin who did exactly that. Regretting because his dad was also a single dad, he did everything to raise his child into a successful, slightly more than average Singaporean man.
But in some ways, he was verbally abusive. My cousin was holding grudges; he did not treat his dad well in his later years, but it’s something which he always talks about and regrets till today.”
In other news, a young Singaporean recently took to social media to share something his parents said to him after he didn’t get into any junior colleges a year ago. They told him, “You will have no future, and you won’t be able to support us after all we have done for you.”
In a post shared on Reddit’s ‘SG exams’ forum on Wednesday (Dec 25), the young man opened up about how his parents also accused him of putting absolutely no effort into his studies. “I really did study but maybe my IQ was not up to their standards,” he lamented.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)