SINGAPORE: In the world of modern dating, an age-old concept often gets debated: “the chase.” To some, the chase in modern dating means grand gestures, lavish dinners, and extravagant demonstrations of affection. Yet, for others, such as a young woman who recently shared her thoughts on social media, ‘the chase’ can seem like a well-meaning act rather than a heartfelt connection.
Redditor Lumpy-Quiet-2461 shared her thoughts about ‘the chase’, saying, “Coming from a girl POV, I personally dont like to be ‘chased’. What i mean is that the guy making the extra effort to take me out to expensive dates, or do unpractical stuff that is out of his way just to make me happy. And all of this effort usually die down after becoming official in relationship. So ‘the chase’ kinda make me feel that it is a ‘fake it till you make it’ strategy and most of the time it got nothing to do with or not beneficial to the practicalities of a long term relationship, like consistent effort, responsibilities etc.”
She went on saying, “In fact i see it as detrimental to the health of the relationship because its very common to hear things like “wah when he chase me that time he do this that this then now all dont have already.”
Sharing her thoughts on dating, she explained, “So like, whats the point of chasing girls and allowing us to create this unrealistic expectation of guys, thinking that oh they can maintain this effort thruout? Like please SG cost of living so expensive, every week expensive dinner once its almost not practical for most people.”
Adding more to her viewpoint, she noted, “But the things is, i realise that if i ‘cut the chase’, the guys will feel weird like they dont know what to do next lol! Like i try to keep the date practical, normally hang out in dressdown clothes, but it somehow these settings kinda kill the romance for most guys?”
Redditor comahead commented and said, “Girl you are a unicorn. It is normal for people to enjoy the feeling of being chased. Most people (both girls and guys) would not mind that. But societal norms dictate that guys should do the chasing. And then there’s this whole “happy wife, happy life” mentality after marriage. Such expectations are instilled into people even before they start dating. Hence guys don’t mind doing the chasing and girls expect to be chased. Maybe I’m also an outlier, but I don’t subscribe to any of these ideas. Because what’s the point of a relationship if I’m the one that’s doing all the giving but I get little to nothing in return?”
Another Redditor Neonex14 chimed in and said, “Yeah personally as a guy, I hate chasing after girls too lol. As a practical guy and someone who likes to “cut to the chase”, you’d probably be a good fit with the right personalities if I was still looking for a partner.”
Neonex14 added noting that everyone is different, explaining, “But I think that’s the beauty of us people – not everyone is the same and we’re all unique in our own ways. Some girls like to be chased, some girls don’t; some guys like to chase; some guys don’t. And I think that just makes being in a relationship with the right person even more gratifying.”
LindenDrive, reflecting on her experience, noted that not everyone subscribes to these conventional notions, sharing, “As a woman who dates women, I neither expect to be chased nor do the chasing. All of my partners have also had the same understanding. It’s probably more common in LGBT circles because a lot of gender norms don’t apply.”
Nevertheless, as per Women’s Health Magazine, “craving newness and excitement isn’t limited to one gender and it certainly isn’t uncommon.”
Relationship expert Damon L. Jacobs, a licensed marriage and family therapist said, “For many people the pursuit of the chase is more enticing and rewarding than the actual relationship itself.”
Explaining further that ‘it really is chemical’ since, in the early stages of falling for someone, the brain releases chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, leading to happiness and euphoria. However, when this initial high fades for some, so does the relationship.
So, whether you like ‘the chase’ or not is really up to you, or your brain actually.