SINGAPORE: Yet another Singaporean has found herself trapped in a situation where she has to financially support her single parent.
She took to r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, on Saturday (Sept 14) to share her story, hoping to seek solace and advice from those who have gone through the same thing.
In her post, she shared that as an only child raised in a single-parent household, her father had always provided for her materially. He gave her a generous allowance and ensured she never lacked food or basic necessities during her childhood.
However, everything changed when she turned 16. The financial support abruptly stopped, leaving her to fend for herself. Her father, as much as he was generous when she was younger, was also never emotionally there for her and even subjected her to verbal abuse.
Despite the lack of emotional support and the challenges she faced at home, she persevered, managing to continue her studies and even taking on the responsibility of paying her own school fees.
But the real challenge came after she graduated a little over a year ago. Her father became fully dependent on her earnings.
“I am fully supporting his spending with my full-time pay. He is over retirement age and has no income, savings, or CPF left. He refuses to work at all as he claims he has a lot of health issues, so he stays at home and does nothing,” she said.
She also said her father spent way more than her in one month. He smokes at least one pack per day and wastes a few hundred dollars on the lottery.
Although she has tried to talk to him multiple times about cutting back on these costly habits, explaining that they are draining her finances and putting additional strain on her already tight budget, her father refuses to change.
“I feel like I have already been generous with him by letting him spend whatever is in our shared bank account,” she added. Moreover, without an apartment to their names, her father has also convinced her to buy a house.
“This would leave me in debt,” she expressed her concern.
“His bad habits have already gotten my boyfriend and me concerned about our finances; the worst thing is the housing issue now, as I would rather save up what I can and BTO with my boyfriend in the near future.
If it further escalates, I’m not surprised I’ll end up with no partner,” she lamented.
Feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about how to handle her father’s demands and her own financial pressures, she reached out to the community, asking, “What can I do with a father like that?”
“You are not obliged to clean up after him even if you’re his child.”
In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors advised her to establish a reasonable monthly allowance for her father and clarify that she can’t provide more.
One Redditor said, “Do like what a parent will do. Speak to him, set him a reasonable monthly allowance and tell him that’s all you can afford.
If he needs more money, ask him to go out and work. If he starts throwing tantrums, threaten that you will move out, and he will take care of himself.”
Another commented, “I would stop giving him access to a bank account. Everything he wants to buy goes through you.
Allowing him to buy cigarettes and gambling is just enabling vices. It’s not like when he gave you an allowance, you were using it for clubbing and buying drugs. If he wants to engage in vice, he must earn his own money to do that.”
Others went even further, suggesting she might need to consider cutting off support entirely. They argued that continuing to support her father in his current state might ultimately damage her relationship with her boyfriend and hinder her own future plans.
One Redditor stated, “You should make it clear about his life; his messes are his to resolve, and you are not obliged to clean up after him even if you’re his child.”
Another said, “Cut off everything. Having a father like that would only make your life harder. No more joint accounts. Cut it all off. Go cold turkey. I would rather you spend $ on rent than live with him.
Your partner will resent you later because he didn’t sign up for this mess with your father. Do it before it’s too late.”
Featured image by Depositphotos