SINGAPORE: A married woman took to social media to ask others, “Is household chores a thing that married couples regularly argue about?”
Along with this question, she also described her situation in her post on NUSWhispers Facebook page, writing, “We both work full-time, but my husband works longer hours as compared to me. We discussed on the main chores to be done and I had decided I should take up more % of household chores. However, my husband is not doing the remaining tasks delegated to him.”
She further shared that when her husband is at home, he always just watches “TV shows” instead of doing his share of chores, which sometimes remain unfinished for days or even weeks.
“This has made me feel frustrated because our shared space is also in a mess.”
While she understands that her husband, like everybody else, needs to unwind after work, she also feels overwhelmed by the prospect of taking on all the chores herself.
Sadly, this led her to reconsider having children, as she worries nothing will change and that she will end up doing everything on her own.
She also mentioned that they had discussed this issue several times. However, this approach solved nothing for her, as the conversations usually end with her either giving up due to her husband’s exhaustion from working long hours or him reluctantly completing the chores, which still leaves her feeling drained.
She added, “On the topic of chores, side/small chores that we don’t mention explicitly, such as clearing out expired food from the fridge, cleaning the exterior of the fridge when there’s a visible water/milk/coffee stain, then all these are really never done.
Things like that are always a mental load for me until I have no the energy to do such tasks. How do I unload that off me?
“If you can afford it, hire a part-time helper. That’s the secret to sustaining a happy marriage”
Many people offered their advice to the woman in the comments section, suggesting that if the responsibilities of managing household chores became too much for her and her husband, they should consider hiring a part-time helper.
One individual said, “If you can afford it, hire a part-time helper. That’s the secret to sustaining a happy marriage.”
While another commented, “Hire a PT helper! It is not worth fighting over household chores! As for your expiry items issue, I have a table calendar where I record all the expiry dates of EVERYTHING in the fridge and food pantry. That works for me!”
On the other hand, some criticized her husband for not helping with the chores.
They speculated that his behavior could be attributed to his upbringing, implying that he may have grown up with his mother doing all the cleaning and chores, which is why he was not accustomed to taking on these responsibilities.
One individual added, “Tell him if he’s not willing to do the chores you BOTH mutually agreed upon, then he SHOULD hire someone to do the job for him and the salary should come from his personal money not your shared one.
He’s an adult, not a child. Don’t feel bad about telling him this. Yes, he works longer hours but it’s already been discussed that you will take a bigger percentage of the household chores and I’m assuming you do them to offset this. It’s totally not fair for you that he is not doing his part.”
Handling marital issues can be tough, especially when minor disagreements, like those about household chores, turn into big arguments.
If you’re worried that your marriage might be heading towards a breaking point, it’s crucial to keep an eye out for these signs:
Read more: Signs your marriage might be at breaking point
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